My Heart

My heart just literally broke.  All over again.  I can't even put into words how I'm feeling right now, but I owe it to two little girls to try anyways.

Remember Annie?  The little girl who was a spitting image of my sweet A?

Left: My A.  Right:  "Annie #40-4"

Annie has been transferred to a mental institution.  She is eight and a half.  Just barely younger than my dear A was when I said goodbye to her two years ago.

My A was one of the strongest people I ever met.  She had more courage in her pinky finger than men four times her age and ten times her size.  She faced seemingly insurmountable obstacles and still managed to find joy in every place she went.  When she loved, she loved fiercely, determinedly, loyally.  When she hurt, she tried to hold it in... but eventually she started letting me be there for her... and every time she broke down in my arms, I broke down just as much or more on the inside.  When she hurt, I hurt with her.  I still hurt with her.

I couldn't help A.  She told me a terrible secret, and I promised to try to help.  I did what I thought was the right thing.  Even when that failed, I kept trying until my options were exhausted.  In the end, there was nothing I could do to help her, and that tears me to shreds to this day.

We can still help Annie.

She can be adopted.  Loved.  Treasured.  Comforted.  Just like my A was in the days she spent with me.

But she needs US.  She needs us to share her photo, her story - so that her family might see her and move to bring her home.  She needs us to help raise the funds to ransom her from the mental institution where she will spend the rest of her life if not adopted.  She needs us to storm Heaven on her behalf.

It's 5:00 am and I'm lying in a hospital bed, unable to sleep, crying both for my little girl and for a little girl halfway across the world who I have never met.  I feel like I've failed them both.  I tried to advocate for both of them.  I prayed for both of them.  I swore I would help both of them.  And I thought, for a while, that at least I would be able to help Annie in honor of my A.  I tried.  But it wasn't enough.

Maybe if I had screamed louder, prayed more, worked harder, the family that committed to Annie wouldn't have suffered the financial troubles that caused them to have to release her.  Maybe if I had done more, she wouldn't be sitting in a mental institution right now.

I failed A.  I have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life.  I can't live with the guilt of having failed Annie too.

Transferred.  To a mental institution.

Please help me help her.  Please share her.  Donate to her grant if you can.  I'm begging you.  Since I was admitted to the hospital yesterday everyone has asked me what they could do, and this is it.  Share Annie.  Share this post.  Donate to her grant.  Order a bracelet from my facebook shop so that I can donate to Annie.  Just help me get her home.  That's all I want.

http://reecesrainbow.org/14083/annie-40-4

Bigger Plans | Reece's Rainbow Families

A quote from one of my favorite movies is stuck in my head tonight.  One of my favorite quotes, actually.

"Maybe God had a bigger plan for me... than I had for myself."  -- A Walk To Remember

I can't help but think that about 99% of the time, that quote holds true.

Like when I was sixteen years old, and I felt God calling me to go on a mission trip to New Orleans, only eleven months after Katrina devastated the region.

I thought this was the reason I was there.

I had a series of increasingly terrifying panic attacks and wound up flying home early.  Lots of people told me I was failing, letting God down, because I wouldn't be there to clean up that house.  They made the same assumption I had at first.

He wasn't surprised with the way things turned out.

Those people who judged me were wrong and so was I.  God had certainly called me there - just not for the reasons we all thought.  He was not surprised or disappointed when I flew home early.  He knew He had already taught me a valuable lesson.

A lesson that helped lead me here.

God had a bigger plan for me than I had for myself.

I think a lot of times, we think we know what God's plan is, and then He throws us for a loop.

"Nope!  I've got more in store for you!"

This is what happened to my friend Michelle and her husband recently.

God called them to a little girl in a photo.

They leapt with faith, jumped in with both feet, to adopt this little girl... to go retrieve her from a life of institutionalization.

You see, Carolina had been in a baby house with several other children who were adopted by American families.  But as all children do, she got older, and as is custom in the country where she lives, she was transferred, when she reached 'that age' (only four!), out of the baby house... out of the only 'home' she knew.

Nobody knew quite where she'd be transferred to.  Some of the kids from her baby house were transferred to horrible places.  IF a family was able to get them out, they were often found to have been starved or beaten.

Nobody knew how hard it might be to get Carolina out after she was transferred.

Michelle and her husband, Ammon, were certainly walking an unknown road.

It's scary enough adopting an orphan with special needs from a foreign country - imagine adopting from an institution where there were no adoptions, where outsiders didn't set foot, where updates were not given about the children.

When they got on the plane to fly to Carolina's country, the Buhlers' most recent information on their girl was already four years old.

They didn't know how big she was.  How far along in her development.  What sort of place she was living in.  Whether she was getting her needs met there.

They only knew that she needed a family.  And so they went.

They followed God's lead, they stepped out in faith.

They thought they knew the plan.

Get Carolina.  Bring her home.  One less orphan.

A worthy cause for sure.  It must be God's plan.

So they left everything they knew, flew to Carolina's country, and attended their official appointment to get Carolina's 'referral' in country - the first step to adopting her.

It was then that they were thrown for their first loop.  Carolina had a diagnosis that had not been in her file.  The facilitators in her country hadn't known.  The grant organization that helped them find Carolina hadn't known.  The families that had adopted from Carolina's baby house hadn't known.  Carolina had active cytomegalovirus (CMV).  It would add complications to her care as well as implications to her current condition as it can cause brain damage if a child is exposed in utero, and could possibly be spread to her new siblings and parents, affecting their health as well.  The Buhlers had to make a tough decision based on little information before they had even met Carolina.  Could they bring her home safely, knowing this additional diagnosis?

They cautiously proceeded.  They traveled far, far across the country to Carolina's region.  They nervously arrived to meet her for the first time and found themselves the subject of scrutiny by orphanage personnel, who didn't understand why anyone would want to adopt one of 'these children' (a child with special needs).

Imagine how hard it would be to get to know your child in a foreign place with people who had different ideas about children and special needs constantly watching over you.

Honestly, I can't even imagine being that far away from home for that long!  That is one of the things my trip to New Orleans taught me - I am NOT a long trip person!  Add a foreign country, language, and lifestyle to the mix and I'd be reeling.  Add all the emotions of adoption and... well, let's just say there's a reason I plan to adopt from a place with less time in country!

But the Buhlers?  They pressed on.  Michelle told me once that the travel time had not been ideal for them either - but that was where Carolina was, and when God said "Go to her," they had obeyed.

Over a few visits, they learned more about Carolina.  Some good and encouraging.  Carolina was healthier than some of us had expected.  She appeared well-nourished.  She spoke a few words and proved to be extremely proficient at walking on her knees (her cerebral palsy made walking on her feet impossible without proper therapy).  She expressed needs and wants consistently.  She even showed some signs of affection... something post-institutionalized children often struggle with.

Carolina loves to jump.  She likes to play with baby dolls and she asks for candy - but she doesn't like chocolate, except for white chocolate.  (Leave it to a kid to be in a country with some of the world's best chocolate, and not like it!)  She tolerates being held, usually to reach or do something she can't do alone, but her willingness to accept touch is encouraging.  She plays pretend with the baby dolls, which tells me that her imagination is alive and well.

But some of what they learned was not so good... in fact, it was downright distressing.  Years in an institutional setting are not good for a child.  In fact, this type of neglect has been shown to cause permanent brain damage.  Further, in these types of environments, children often learn a 'survival of the fittest' mentality.  They learn that to survive, they have to compete against all the other children.  It's not their fault - it's only human nature - but some children start to exhibit aggressive behaviors after exposure to this type of environment.  These behaviors tend to be especially severe with children who are smaller or weaker.



This is considered one of the greatest crises a family can face in country - finding out that the child they intend to adopt has developed aggressive behavior that could impact children they already have at home.  Parents are faced with the most heartbreaking choice:  bring home the child they crossed the ocean for and risk the safety of their other children; or turn down the referral of the child they prayed, hoped, and wished for all that time to protect the ones already in their home.  It's a choice I truly can't imagine having to make.  Yet it is the one Michelle and Ammon faced in Carolina's country.  Sad as it is, that sweet little girl had learned to fight to survive... and the Buhlers have other little children to think about as well.

It is a decision that tormented them.  It was not made lightly or easily.  Tears were cried.  Hopes were dashed.  Because families who ultimately choose not to accept the referral of the child they originally intended to adopt sometimes face judgment from the very community that supported them to begin with, there was pressure to decide one way or the other (although many of the Buhlers' supporters were very understanding and supported whatever decision they felt was best for their whole family as well as Carolina).  It certainly wasn't the adoption experience anyone would have hoped for.  Yet it is the one the Buhlers faced.

Ultimately, after conferring with friends and family as well as facilitators, orphanage staff and each other, Michelle and Ammon decided that they weren't the right parents for Carolina.  It broke their hearts.  They had loved, hoped for, wished for, and prayed for this little girl for months.  They had crossed the ocean in hopes of making her their daughter.  They had stepped out in faith when no one else would and said "Yes, we see this child's value and we're willing to do what it takes to bring her home."  Even when the journey threw them for loops, they hung on, trying to give things a chance to work out.  But ultimately it came down to the fact that bringing Carolina home could have serious negative consequences for their other children, and might not be the right placement for Carolina either.  They couldn't, in good conscience, bring home a child they weren't sure they could parent.

So Carolina was relisted as available for adoption.

But it wasn't all a loss for Carolina.  New pictures were posted.  Updates about her development, what type of family would be best for her, were added to her profile.  No longer would anyone have to rely on two-year-old information to determine if their family would be the right fit for her.  The Buhlers - and many friends and advocates - hoped, and still hope, that an experienced adoptive family, perhaps one without younger children, will step up to adopt her soon.

It is here that we catch a glimpse of what God's real plan was.  We all thought it was for the Buhlers to adopt Carolina.  But no.  God wasn't surprised by this.  He wasn't disappointed in His children.  He had known this twist Carolina's story all along, and He had sent the Buhlers anyways.  They were a huge, important part of his plan for Carolina's life.

Remember what I said about Carolina being transferred?  She was transferred to a place where there were no adoptions.  She was transferred to a place where the doors of the institution were firmly closed to nearly all outsiders, and those who were allowed in were forbidden from taking photos or information to share about children.  She was transferred to a place where the people who could give updated photos and information to the government's adoption authorities refused to do so.

If the Buhlers hadn't taken that leap of faith, Carolina would have remained unseen behind those closed doors.  Her information would never have been updated.  Her chances of finding a family would have dwindled further with every passing day.  Even if a family did step up later, they would face the same obstacles the Buhlers did... maybe more.

The Buhlers are the means God is using to provide the family He intends for Carolina with the information they need to take that huge step to make Carolina their daughter.  They are truly His hands and feet on earth.

Taking a step back, it becomes clear that God used Michelle and Ammon not only to help write Carolina's story, but also to pave the way for even more families to come.  After a couple days visiting Carolina's institution, Michelle told a story that gave me chills.

She said that on their first visit, the orphanage doctor had seemed very anti-adoption.  She felt that children like Carolina were best served in institutions like the one where Carolina currently resides.  But after the Buhlers' third visit with Carolina, the orphanage doctor stopped them as they were leaving to tell them she had changed her mind.  It turns out she had spoken to a family member about what life was like for children with special needs in the US - because of the Buhlers' presence at her institution - and learned of all the opportunities for therapy, education, and the ability to connect with a family, that children with special needs have in the US.  As they left the institution on that third visit, the orphanage doctor told them that she had changed her mind.  She no longer felt that children like Carolina belonged in institutions, but that they would be better served in families, and that she hoped they could be adopted.

WOW.  Are you as floored as I am?  Right there, a heart changed, the heart of a person who is responsible for the fates of countless orphans - because Michelle and Ammon took a leap of faith.

No, they didn't end up adopting Carolina.  As I stated before, they conferred with numerous people and felt that their family was not the right fit for her.  But all the same, they did more for Carolina than anyone has to date.  No one else had been willing to say "Yes, we will go for this child".  They did.  As they walked the winding, overgrown path to Carolina's institution, they wrote another, pivotal chapter in her story.  They were able to get more information on Carolina to pass on to families who might be willing and prepared to adopt her - who might have the family situation she needs.  They gave a precious child love and interaction she never would have had for several days.  They showed countless people - orphanage staff, children, community members - in Carolina's country - that there are people who want these children.  And because of their very presence, the heart of the orphanage doctor was changed.  She no longer thinks that children like Carolina are best served in institutions... she recognizes the value of a family.

This is the kind of change we all want to see in these children's birth countries.  The kind of change that will enable families to keep and raise children with special needs.  The kind of change that will erase the stigma of raising a child with special needs.  The kind of change that will improve the care that the children who are in institutions receive.  And it is happening... because this family said "yes" to walking an uncertain path.

Bigger plans indeed.

But the story doesn't stop there!  No - when it would have been so much easier, to just go home, when other families would have just given up, the Buhlers stayed in country.  No, they weren't adopting Carolina... but they weren't leaving empty-handed, either.  They were determined to save an orphan.

This is huge.  In case you didn't know, at this point I'll tell you that the Buhlers have four other children at home - at the time in care of relatives.  They had already been away from their children longer than any parent ever wants to leave their child.  It would have been so much easier for them to cut their losses and go home and nurse their broken hearts.

But they didn't.  They felt that God had sent them to save and orphan, and that's what they were going to do.  No, it wasn't the child they had originally intended to adopt, but does our Lord place more value on one life than another?

They went back to the capital city.  They attended another appointment.  They accepted a referral for a three year old little boy with cerebral palsy.  Meet "Nikolai".

Handsome, isn't he?  Even in his fuzzy referral photo?

Let me tell you a little about Nikolai.

Though lucky to still be in a baby house (as he should be at three), that baby house is in a region where adoptions, even international adoptions, are not common.  In fact, there has only been ONE adoption in this region in the past three years!  Nikolai was not listed on any advocacy site.  Nor were any of the other children from his orphanage.  No one would have ever even known he existed if the Buhlers hadn't seen and accepted his file.

It is worth noting that in Nikolai's region, there is a focus on encouraging domestic families to adopt children and to keep and raise their special needs children instead of surrendering them to state care.  This is likely part of the reason for the low rate of international adoptions.  However, domestic families had previously visited with Nikolai and decided not to adopt him because of his visible special needs.  Regional authorities felt he would be best served by an international placement.

They traveled to meet him.  I can't imagine the emotions Michelle and Ammon must have been facing at this time.  Mourning the loss of the child they had thought was their daughter, yet hopeful for the boy who could become their son.

They met him.

It was love.  He was theirs.  They proceeded with his adoption.

Just last week they had court and this little boy became Michelle and Ammon's fifth child.  A new life.  A new name.  Meet Ethan.

Soon, Michelle will bring him home... to his forever family.  The one he would never have had if the Buhlers hadn't stuck it out when things got hard in country, determined to save one of God's starfish, even if it wasn't the one they had originally intended to bring home.

Look at him.  He's ready to go.

But now imagine... what Ethan's life would have been like if it hadn't been for this long, winding, overgrown road that the Buhlers walked when no one else would.

He's three now.  Children in his country are usually transferred to adult mental institutions between the ages of 4 and 6.  One year.  Imagine.  He could have been transferred, to God knows where, what kind of conditions... in as little as one year.  Adoptions from institutions are even less common than adoptions from baby houses.  It is entirely possible that he could have been transferred someplace where no one, no matter how hard they tried, could have gotten him out.

Imagine this sweet, able little boy... locked away in a mental institution forever.

Recently, pretty much every adoption advocate I know has been screaming for another little boy... a little boy who wasn't 'found' while he was in the baby house like Ethan was.  A little boy who didn't escape transfer to a mental institution.  A little boy who was about to age out.

Brenton will be sixteen years old in just nine days.  And yes, that is a current picture.  He is the size of a preschooler.  Once a child reaches sixteen years old, he can no longer be adopted by an American family, as US immigration requires documents to be submitted prior to the child's sixteenth birthday.  We were all afraid, so afraid, that Brenton would 'age out'... turn sixteen without a committed family... and be condemned to a life in an adult mental institution.  We scrambled to find him a family.  Just yesterday, a family committed to Brenton.  He will be saved.

But that scramble?  That desperate situation where we had only weeks to find a family for a child before he  would be lost forever?  That all happened because Brenton was not listed anywhere until very recently.  He was not on an advocacy site.  No one had accepted his file in country.  No one had chosen him.  If he had been chosen, adopted, while he was younger, like Ethan has, he would never have been in this desperate situation.

Despite hardship, despite fear, despite uncertainty, the Buhlers saved a child.  Saved him from a life of institutionalization.  Saved him from permanent damage done by years of sub-par care.  Saved him from a dangerous last-minute scramble to find a family.  This is one less orphan we'll have to desperately search for a family for before he ages out... because he already has one.  Praise the Lord!

AND!  There is yet another twist to this story - one that is almost too unbelievable to behold.  Ethan was actually born in Russia - though neither of his parents were Russian.  When they returned to their home country, they left their baby in Russia.  He was placed in a Russian orphanage, where he lived for a time before his parentage came to light and he had to be transferred to an orphanage in his parents' country.  Given that there is currently a ban on US adoptions from Russia, this fact is jaw-dropping to me.  This child could have so easily been overlooked.  His fate could have so easily been the same one thousands of Russian children... children like Kyle, who I shared with you last week... face.  But it wasn't.  He was transferred back to his home country just in time for the Buhlers to find him and make him their son.  If that's not God working in this little boy's life, I don't know what is!

And then there's this part, which is only speculation, but it's likely true at least in part.  Remember what I said about there having been only one adoption in Ethan's region in the past three years?  Well... now there have been two.  I can't help but think that every family that comes through that region and says "Yes, we see the value in this child and we want him to be ours," shows the people of that region that maybe, just maybe, there is value in these children they have shut up in institutions.  Maybe they will be treated a little better.  Maybe some domestic families will be inspired to pursue adoption.  Maybe the people in charge of getting children listed for adoption and getting their faces out there, will start to notice this region.  There is work in progress to try to get some of the other children at Ethan's orphanage listed for adoption, so that we can advocate for and find families for them too.  More than likely, the road for the families that adopt from this region in the future, will be just a little easier - because the Buhlers walked it first.

Michelle is still in country with Ethan.  She is unsure if they have the funds they will need to get everything in order in country and fly home.  Even once they are home, things are going to be tight, because they were never fully funded and every extra penny is going to getting her and Ethan home from Eastern Europe.  All these loops they were thrown for destroyed the carefully laid plans they had for funding their adoption.  I honestly can't imagine the situation she's in right now... in country, without her husband or children, not even sure if she has the finances needed to get home.  If you'd like to be a part of easing that burden and helping her get home with her new son, you can donate to their Reece's Rainbow FSP here.  Michelle has promised that if any money is left over once they are home, it will be going to Carolina's grant.

Carolina.  The child they loved, the child they wanted to make their daughter.  There are people who think that the Buhlers let Carolina down because they didn't adopt her.  Maybe even people who think that they let God down, because they didn't complete the 'mission' that they thought God was originally sending them on.  I disagree.

Remember, people said those same things to me in New Orleans.  I was letting my mission team down.  I was letting the people of New Orleans down.  I was letting God down.

But God was not surprised - not then, and not now.  He knew it all before it happened.  He had mapped out our paths, even when we ourselves didn't know which way to go.  Just like I didn't fail God seven years ago, the Buhlers did not fail Him, nor Carolina, on this trip.  In truth, they did more for Carolina than anyone has.  Who was it that walked into unknown territory for this child's sake?  Who was it that obtained the new information where before there had only been outdated information?  Who was it that made sure that the family that was right for Carolina would be fully prepared for her needs?  Who was it that changed the hearts and minds of many in Carolina's country, simply by being there and caring about what happened to her?  Who was it that, even when things got difficult, refused to go home without saving a child?

Well I know one thing... it certainly isn't the people who are condemning the Buhlers for not adopting a child they weren't sure they could parent.

God has seen their work on behalf of the orphan, and He is not disappointed.

This brings me to one final point... and it is a difficult one.  Because so many people loved Carolina, when the Buhlers committed to her, she already had a large grant with Reece's Rainbow.  They really had little fundraising to do since the funds already raised for Carolina would be released to them once they had travel dates.  But because they didn't adopt Carolina, the money people had given toward her adoption now has to be replaced in her grant for the family who does adopt her.

In the past few weeks, the Buhlers have found themselves in country with barely enough money to cover their basic needs.  They had to beg and plead for $500 necessary to complete some requirements in Ethan's country.  Even though that need was met, I have a sneaking suspicion that the Buhlers could use quite a bit more than the $500 they asked for to get home.  And when they come home, during a time when they should be focused on bonding with their new son and getting him the medical intervention and therapy he needs, they will be responsible for paying back the money that was given to them for Carolina - just over $10,000.

If you have adopted, can you imagine what it would be like if you were responsible for that hefty pricetag just as you were getting home with your child?  How difficult would that be?  Many people will say, "Well, they didn't adopt Carolina, so that money was never really theirs to begin with, they should have to pay it back."  Maybe so... but also remember that they didn't even know about Ethan until they had traveled to the children's country.  He was not listed on an advocacy site so there was no grant designated for him.  The Buhlers thought they were adopting Carolina, so they counted on the money that was in her grant.  They had no reason to think they would need to do additional fundraising to what they already did, because that money was already there.  It's almost as though they were given an amount they needed to raise to adopt their child, and then, after the fact, they were hit with a sudden, hidden fee in a HUGE amount - and are now stuck with having to fundraise after they bring their child home... while they try to bond and do everything else.

That's a rough situation to be in.

It's no one's fault, it's just the way things work... the money raised for Carolina's adoption needs to be there for whatever family does decide to adopt Carolina... but at the same time, the Buhlers never had the chance to do the kind of fundraising it turns out they needed.

I'll tell you what I see.  I see a family who has gone above and beyond to help the orphan, a family who has stayed strong when some would have given up, a family who has blazed a trail for those who might come after them to adopt from regions and institutions where adoption is not common, a family who has changed hearts and minds along the way, and a family who has rescued a precious angel.  I see a family who needs and deserves our help raising money that they didn't expect to have to raise.

And I KNOW that God is NOT disappointed with their work to save the orphan.

If you would like to be a part of helping the Buhlers and supporting the amazing work they have done, we are asking that donations be made to Carolina's grant with Reece's Rainbow.  On the Paypal confirmation screen, there is an annotation that allows you to include a note with your donation.  It looks like this:

Click where it says "Add special instructions to recipient" and type your note in the box that opens up - something like "To help repay Carolina's previous grant" or "On behalf of the Buhlers".  This will ensure that your donations not only help Carolina, but ease the burden on the Buhlers as they return home with Ethan.

Beyond that, you can pray, and you can share.  You can pray that the Buhlers transition home will be smooth.  You can pray that the family that is right for Carolina will see her quickly and step up to adopt her. This family would be experienced with institutional behaviors and preferably not have any younger or weaker children (Carolina is seven).  You can pray that Carolina's grant can be repaid with minimal hardship to the Buhlers.  And you can share their need, so that even if you don't have the means to  help them repay it, maybe someone who does will see it.  Maybe Carolina's family will even see it.

I, for one, think that this is all part of Carolina's story... her road to the family God has intended for her... and we are just lucky to have seen another child saved in the process.  Thus far, no one has done more to help that story along than the Buhlers... and I think they deserve our thanks and our help.  Please, will you be a part of easing the burden on them and helping Carolina by giving to her grant?  Will you be a part of this divine story?

The link to Carolina's grant is here.  It is up to you now.

A Precious Soul

We called him "Kyle".

His only crime was being born with Down Syndrome in a country that doesn't see the value in people with special needs.

For this, he was placed in an orphanage soon after he was born.

In Kyle's home country, Russia, the orphanages are usually run by the government.  The Baby Houses are not usually so bad.  It's certainly no place to grow up, but the children generally appear well cared for... like Kyle did.

But between the ages of 4 and 6 years old, children with special needs are transferred.  Moved out of the baby house... to another place.

An adult mental institution.

Adult.

Imagine that tiny, delicate little boy in an institution for mentally ill adults.

That's where this transformation took place.

Yes, that's the same little boy.

The new picture came a few months after Russia banned adoptions to American citizens, as well as to unmarried mothers in any country which permits marriage equality... essentially destroying any chance "Kyle" and his fellow orphans ever had to find a family.

It shocked us all.

How could they do this to such a precious, vibrant little soul?

Today more news came down.

He died.  Kyle died.

He died alone in a mental institution.

He died without ever knowing the love of a family.

A precious soul, gone from this earth forever.

When I first saw the news today, I immediately started to cry.  But as quickly as the tears came, they were gone, replaced by anger.  Anger at the government which places so little value on the life of a child, simply because he has special needs, that it would sooner allow him to die in an institution than be adopted.  Anger at the political posturing that brought about this adoption ban and erased Kyle's future.

Then came the relief.  Yes, relief.

Remember, a few months ago we learned that this was Kyle's existence:

Abused.  Malnourished.  Neglected.  Sick.  In pain.

What a miserable existence.

Kyle's pain is gone now.  He is finally home.

No, he's not in the home we wanted for him.  He's gone home to be with God instead.  We had hoped he could know the love of an earthly family before that inevitability, but it didn't happen that way.

Nevertheless, he is home now.

No more abuse.  No more hunger pains.  No more banging his head against the bars of his crib just for some sort of stimulation.

Kyle has a new, perfect body in Heaven... no more pain.

That's why the relief.

And that's the feeling I'm going to choose to hold onto.  Gratefulness that God did not allow Kyle to suffer any longer - that He called him home rather than let him endure this Hell on Earth for one more minute.

It shouldn't be this way.  Children aren't supposed to die.  They are supposed to live long, fulfilling lives on Earth before going home to God.

Sometimes there's something we can do.  Pray.  Advocate.  Give.  Adopt.  The things I beg you to do every single day, for children who we can help.

But sometimes... like in Kyle's case... we are woefully helpless.  For the thousands of Russian orphans that still survive on this earth, there is little or nothing that we can do to change their circumstances.

It is in times like these that I pray the hardest.  Jesus, please come quickly.  Your children need you.

(Not So) Happy Birthday

I want you to take a moment to remember your last birthday.

If you can't remember your last birthday, then remember one that sticks in your mind (I know, some of us are getting older and this remembering stuff doesn't go so well anymore).

Here's my last birthday.

Yup.  I was in the hospital.  It was actually my third day in the hospital due to complications following surgery to remove stones from my right kidney.  I was in a lot of pain and on both oral and IV pain medications.  The machine that dripped antibiotics and saline into my veins would start beeping frequently - every time I moved my arm the wrong way.  Notice how I'm holding it out straight there?  I was trying to avoid the beeping, which I would then have to page a nurse to stop... even at 4:00 in the morning.

But then... check out all those presents!  They were wrapped and lovingly loaded into a huge thirty-one bag by my mom, and brought to me at the hospital early that morning.  Even more astonishing, after having been by my side as long as visiting hours would allow the previous two days (leaving the hospital after 9 pm the day before my birthday), she also brought my favorite homemade chocolate caramel cake that she had made after she got home the previous night.  Complete with candles and ice cream.

We shared cake and ice cream with the nurses and the other patients on the ward, as well as their guests.  Other nurses came into my room to join in singing Happy Birthday.

I turned 24 in the hospital.

It was an improvised birthday.

It wasn't the one I had planned.

But I was lucky.  I was blessed with people who were willing to do whatever it took to make it special.



In about five hours, it will be August 23, 2013, in a certain Eastern European country.

What's so significant about that?

Many people would probably say 'nothing'.

But not me.  That day is special to me.

It's someone's birthday.

"Just an orphan" they might say.  "One of thousands."

"An idiot child" they might say.  "Nothing will become of him."

But they're wrong.  Because twelve years ago, God saved this little boy, nicknamed "Brett", from certain death.

You see, Brett was born in a field in the country and immediately abandoned by his birth mother.  Maybe she knew he had down syndrome.  Maybe she didn't.  All the same, she left that little baby there to die.

But a stranger came upon that baby hours later, whose cries had grown weak, who was now hypothermic and covered in bug bites.  That stranger took the baby in his arms and sought help.  Maybe he knew he had down syndrome.  Maybe he didn't.  All the same, that stranger saved Brett's life.

He was taken to the hospital.  The doctors nursed him back to health.  Then, as a child without parental care, and a child with a special need that was not widely accepted by the citizens of that country, there was no place for him to go but the orphanage.

Brett spent three years in the orphanage.  In his country, after a child's third birthday, if they remain an orphan, they are to be sent to an older child orphanage, or to a mental institution.  Brett drew the short straw.  He was sent to a mental institution.  From what we know, it is a very rural one, probably lacking in resources, most definitely unseen by many outside eyes.

That is where he was when this picture was taken for his adoptable child profile - the picture that sat on Reece's Rainbow for years.

That is the picture I saw a year and a half ago... and fell in love with.  I could just see those little arms reaching up for a hug.

But years passed.  Birthdays passed.  We finally got an updated photo... one that is not horrifying as some we have seen, but that made me sad all the same, to know that the sweet little boy in the photo had to do all that growing up without a mommy or a daddy.  This is Brett today.

And on August 23, 2013, he will be twelve years old.

But there won't be cake or candles.  There won't be assorted gift wrapped packages.  There won't be a mommy to pack up a birthday in a bag and bring it to the institution where Brett currently resides.

It will just be another day.  Another orphan who is another year older.  No one to care.

Even in a hospital bed, in tremendous pain, I had a better birthday than Brett has ever had.

Let that sink in for a minute.

Imagine, as a child, spending your birthday with no cake, no presents... not even someone who loved you.

It's not fair.

And there's only one way to change it.

Mommy, Daddy, this little boy is crying out for your love and attention.  Please don't look the other way.  Don't be afraid because Brett is 'older'.  He is mentally still a small child.  He is friendly.  It is said by those who have met him that he is not aggressive and would likely do very well in a family.

He just needs to be given a chance.

If I could adopt him myself, I'd have done it already.  By the rules of both my country and his, I am too young.

For those of us who know we cannot personally adopt him, we at least could offer Brett a birthday present... maybe a little donation to his Reece's Rainbow FSP, to help the family that does step up to adopt him?  That can be done here.

But this is not the case for all of you.  Some of you have the power to rescue Brett.  The requirements to adopt from his country are very do-able, as international adoptions go:

• 2 trips, 5 days each
• Approx cost only $19-25k!  (depends on how many people travel, time of year for travel, etc)
• NO UPPER AGE LIMIT
• Single mothers may apply
• Easy dossier, very few restrictions
• Only one parent has to travel

CANADIAN FAMILIES WELCOME!

Please, won't you help me make sure he never has to spend another birthday in that stark, cold institution?

Remember... EVERYONE can do SOMETHING.

Pray... Share... Advocate... Give... Adopt... SAVE A LIFE.

I Bet You Won't Click This Link | Reece's Rainbow Waiting Child

If you've gotten this far, you've already surprised me.

But I bet most people won't click...

Because then they'd have to care.

They'd have to care about Della...

...a beautiful TEN YEAR OLD GIRL...

...tied up - tied to her crib, arms tied into a bundle...

...just because she likes to explore, and that's not allowed.

And if they cared, they might feel compelled to do something...

...and we can't have that, right?  Everyone knows we're all busy with our own lives.

But who then...

...is going to save Della's?

Be a part of the solution here.

Reality

I almost don't know how to put this into words.

Perhaps these will not be the right words, but I can't be silent any more than I could be silent when I first discovered the plight of orphans over a year ago.

Today I want to talk to you about something truly heartbreaking... something most of us in this country can't imagine.  

In this country, services are available to people with special needs.  Therapies.  Specialist doctors.  Adaptive equipment.  Public facilities are required to be accessible to people with every type of limitation.  Government assistance is available to aid families in obtaining the sometimes expensive treatment these children and adults require.  It is not always an easy system to access - playing phone tag, ferrying loved ones to and from appointments, arguing with officials... but it is something... though not perfect, the best system we've got.

In this country, if you receive a prenatal diagnosis that your child may have special needs, you have enough options to overwhelm you.  Sadly, most parents who receive a prenatal diagnosis like down syndrome choose abortion.  90%, in fact.  All those families that will never know the good that comes along with what at first seems like a bleak diagnosis.  For those parents who choose life for their child, or those parents who do not find out that their child has special needs until birth, there are yet more options.  Did you know that there is a waiting list of families who want to adopt a child with down syndrome?  And should you choose to parent your child, there are hospitals, special needs schools, equipment, therapies, all those things I referred to above, to help you and your child.

I know that it is still scary for most people to receive a prenatal diagnosis, or to find out after giving birth that their child has special needs.  You mourn the loss of the life you imagined for your child.  Regardless of what services and options are available, it is not what you expected... it is a great unknown, and we all fear the unknown.  I don't want to take away from the struggle families face in this country when they receive such news.  But I do want to open your eyes to another sort of struggle... one that we can't even imagine because the days of 'decisions' like this are, for the most part, long gone in this country.

Across the world in Eastern Europe, prenatal diagnoses are uncommon and many expectant mothers lack the resources to get proper prenatal care.  They spend nine months expecting and preparing for a baby... just like families in this country do... getting everything ready to bring their little one home.  They give birth, and sometimes, that is when their worlds fall apart.  That is when special needs, such as down syndrome or cerebral palsy or spina bifida are discovered.  That is when, in the face of mourning the life they expected for their child just as parents in this country do, they face an even more terrifying decision.

Because, in most of these countries, there is no social support system in place for families with children with special needs.  No therapies, no adaptive equipment, no government assistance, frequently not even physical accessibility!  Imagine giving birth to a child who may never walk when you live in a one bedroom, fifth floor apartment, accessible only by flight after flight of stairs, with no means to move elsewhere?  Imagine knowing that you must raise this child - do everything - on your own.  Imagine knowing that where you live, it is not a common thing to parent a child with special needs, and you would likely be shunned by society and even by your own friends and family.  Imagine knowing that if you struggle financially, which you will likely do without any social support systems to aid you in raising your child, you are on your own - left to ruin.

Doctors and nurses tell mothers of these special children that they cannot raise them, that the children will be better off in an institution with other children 'like that'.  They make families believe that the life their children will have in an institution will be better than any life they could possibly provide for their own child, when nothing could be further from the truth.  Parents in vulnerable emotional states are pushed to make life-altering decisions in the blink of an eye.  Often, they trust the doctors - they are doctors, after all... they must know what is best for a child 'like this'.  They give up their children.  They go home empty-handed, to a home prepared for a child who will never live there... and their children... they go to institutions which do little more than warehouse the mentally and physically disabled.

I could talk for hours on what conditions are like in these institutions, but I have done this before.  Right now I want to focus on those parents... the ones who had to make that heartwrenching decision... the ones who thought, who hoped they were doing the right thing for their child.  Most of them did not give up the child because they rejected him or her for having special needs... they are parents too, who love their children... parents who give them up in hopes of giving them a better life, or who are pressured and feel they have no option other than giving their children up.  It is the hardest thing most of them will ever do.  I place no blame upon the parent who chooses what she thinks, with the information she has, is the best option for her child and her family.  My heart aches for her... for her empty arms and her broken spirit.

Many of us ask, "If these parents love their children, why do they never visit them?"  Well, it is not simply that easy.  Often children are taken to institutions far from where their families live.  Travel is difficult and expensive, if not impossible.  Parents, who may have other children to provide for, have to work hard to make ends meet.  And even if we remove the logistical constraints, can you imagine going to visit the child that you gave up in hopes that he would have a better life... and seeing him like this?

...and not being able to do anything about it?

For many parents, it is just too painful.


They still want the best for their children.  Many of them hope that their children will be adopted internationally, taken to a place with greater resources where their needs will be met and they can grow up in a family.  In certain Eastern European countries, Reece's Rainbow is known by many birth parents, who, after making the heartbreaking decision to give up their child, beg for them to be listed on 'the rainbow' - so that a Canadian or American family might adopt them and give them the life that parent has always wanted for her child.  Some of them ask about their children after they are adopted.  Some of them even have contact with the families who adopt their children (this is generally at the discretion of the adoptive family, but I have seen it happen and I can only imagine how it must both soothe and wrench a mother's heart to see her child thriving in a family she could not provide).

Imagine going through the heartbreak of giving a child up, not knowing where she is or if she's being taken care of, and then finding out that she has, in fact, been adopted and is receiving not only the therapy and assistance she needs, but the love of a family.

My friends, adoption is redemption.  Of the child, this, we know.  We have seen children redeemed by adoption over and over.  But it is redemption for the broken-hearted families who give them up too.  It is the happy ending they dreamed of for their child... the one they couldn't provide... the one they were imagining when they made the devastating decision to give up their child.  It is a million times better than not knowing... or knowing the horrible truth.

Someday I hope and pray that there will be support in place for these families to keep their children.  I actively support organizations dedicated to this cause.  Until then though, we do the best we can with the system we have... and one thing is for sure.  Adoption is redemption.

For the video that inspired this blog post, please go here.  I know many of you will not watch it... because once you see, you can't un-see... but perhaps seeing is the push that we need to do something.

Please.  I'm begging you.  Do something.

Because this could so easily be the reality for people we all know and love.

Numbers

Okay, I'll admit it.  Sometimes, I'm a terrible blogger.  In my defense though, I hadn't worked a full time job since I'd started blogging and got one this month, so it does stand to reason that I'd have a little less time to write.  No less, I feel like I'm overdue for a blog post.

I was looking at a page on Reece's Rainbow tonight and was struck by something.  Go take a look at that page and see if you can pick it out:  Already Home

It was pretty obvious to me, but not until I started thinking about it did the full meaning of what I was seeing sink in.

2.

16.

36.

76.

153.

196.

246.

Those might just look like numbers... rapidly increasing numbers... until you realize what they stand for...

...which is lives.

2 lives.  16 lives.  TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY SIX LIVES in 2012 ALONE...

...saved... redeemed... taken out of the clutches of institutionalization... through Reece's Rainbow, an organization I am PROUD to advocate for.  More every year!  That is awesome!

Not to mention the 13 families ALREADY HOME IN 2013!

Go ahead and add that all up, I know you want to see the number, I do too.  I'll wait.





738... SEVEN HUNDRED AND THIRTY-EIGHT... lives SAVED.

738 transformations from orphan... to beloved son, daughter, brother, sister, friend.

Now let's talk about the things this number doesn't take into account.

For starters, it doesn't take into account all the lives these 738 individuals will touch.  Children and adults who were never listed on Reece's Rainbow, who may not have special needs, who may not have been born in a country with a culture of institutionalization.  Parents.  Brothers.  Sisters.  Grandparents.  Aunts.  Uncles. Cousins.  Friends.  Neighbors.  Doctors.  Teachers.  Think about all the people you know, then multiply that number by 738... and you'll start to get an idea of just how many additional lives have been touched.

Then there are the families who, for whatever reason, choose not to be publicly listed on the Already Home page... or families who found their child through Reece's Rainbow but adopted them without the aid of the organization.  Families who adopted outside Reece's Rainbow because they were inspired by an RR family to look into special needs adoption.

There are families in country AS WE SPEAK... waiting for the day THEY will be on the 'Already Home' page.

And this... this bit chokes me up...

...there are the biological families.

I've seen people be quick to judge biological families who give their special needs children up to orphanages.    "How could they do that?" people ask.

The same way people in this country did it only a couple decades ago.

Pennhurst State School, 1977.  Pennsylvania, USA.

Without adequate support systems in place in the community, accessibility measures written into law, it becomes difficult, if not impossible, for these families to raise a child with special needs.  They are told that they were be cast away from society if they try to do so - no one will want to associate with 'a child like that'.  They are told that the children are better off institutionalized.  And without the resources to care for them themselves, what choice do they have?

But when these children are adopted internationally... a number of things happen.  Sometimes the child's birth parents are able to find out that the child was adopted.  Many birth parents want this for their children.  They ask for their children to be listed on "the rainbow".  They love them and they want the best life possible for them.  On occasion, birth parents are even able to be in contact with the families who adopt these children, receive updates on their progress.  Posters of photos of children - before, and after adoption, hang on the walls of child welfare agencies in some countries, proclaiming to everyone who enters that these children have worth.  Updates are sent back to former orphanages to let them know just how much therapy has done for children that were deemed ineducable in their home countries.  And slowly... attitudes begin to change.  Slowly, people begin to realize that children with special needs do have value and can be helped.  And the culture of institutionalization changes a little bit at a time... with more and more families choosing to parent their children, to adopt domestically, or even just to smile, instead of looking down on the child who is obviously different from the others as they walk down the street.  Some families who had previously given a child up even began working to bring them home!

This is how change started here.  And look at us now!  This country has some of the best programs and options for developmentally delayed individuals in the world!  If we can do it... so can they... and these families, children, these 738... have been a big part of paving the way for that change.  We may never know exactly how many lives were changed in these children's countries of origin, indirectly, by Reece's Rainbow adoptions... but we do know that it has happened and is continuing to happen.

So the REAL numbers... go exponentially far beyond 738.

But now let's take the numbers out of the equation and look at one.

One child who was an orphan...

Credit:  Reece's Rainbow/Brown Family

Who was doomed to a life of institutionalization...

Credit:  Google image

When one day, something changed...

Credit: The Blessing of Verity

And they were an orphan no more...

Credit:  Jobes family

When they went from broken and alone... to beloved...

Credit:  Jobes family, Crystal Proper Photography

It has been said that "Adopting one child will not change the world, but for that one child, the world will change."

Truer words have never been spoken.

These children were orphans.

Credit:  Jobes family

Credit: Jobes family

Credit:  The Blessing of Verity

Credit:  Jobes family

These are the same children... but now their are someone's son or daughter.

Credit:  Jobes family

Credit:  Jobes family

Credit:  The Blessing of Verity

Credit:  Jobes family

Psalm 68:6 - God sets the lonely in families.

That transformation has happened 738 times... or more.  Some of these children, I have held in my own arms.  And in adopting 738 children, Reece's Rainbow families may not have changed the world (though I believe they have been a crucial part of bringing about change)... but 738 worlds HAVE been changed.  And more.

Count my world among those these kids have changed.

Because if you think for one moment that the worlds of all the lives those children touch won't be changed, you are very wrong.

That's what's behind the numbers.  738 stories.  738 individual lives.  738 tales of redemption and love.  And that's more than awesome.  That's truly amazing.

That's what I've spent the past year being a part of.

Thank you, God, for that opportunity.