I've been advocating for international orphans with special needs for almost exactly two years now. It was right around Thanksgiving when I saw Katie Musser's picture and read her Mama's blog and watched the videos and visited Reece's Rainbow and the entire weight of the orphan crisis hit me like a ton of bricks. Two years ago, I couldn't even sleep because no matter what I did to help, it wasn't ENOUGH.
One year ago, with Angel Tree in full swing, helping to raise $1000 each for TWO boys, I was preparing to shave my head if they met their goal... which I did, and I'll have you know it was actually kind of fun! Not that I want to do it again. I miss ponytails.
This year I'm failing.
I didn't officially sign up for Angel Tree because I wanted to devote my efforts to helping my friend Laura raise Brett's Angel Tree money. I was also committed to helping a family raise the money they need to progress with the adoption of their daughter.
All the well-laid plans I had in the past year fell apart in a haze of hospital stays, heartbreak, frustration, and being overwhelmed.
Now it's nearly halfway through Angel Tree... and Brett's total for this year sits at $44.55. The very bottom tier. There are some kids already up to $5,000 raised in the past month alone!
I'm failing. I'm failing Brett. Brett, who has sat on Reece's Rainbow for at least four years. Brett, who has been overlooked for too long. Brett, whose grant was under $100 when I started advocating for him. Brett, who has been sitting in an orphanage, no family ever coming for him, for TWELVE YEARS.
And I'm failing Annie. Annie, and her Mama and Daddy to be, who I promised to help. Annie, who reminds me so much of my precious A, who I would do anything to bring home. The Enemy has waged war on the Jones family, whose nest-egg for adoption was eaten away literally as soon as they announced their intention to adopt. Now they are left scrambling to come up with money urgently needed for agency fees. Money that has to be paid before they even get that invitation to travel. I'm failing my friend Amanda, who has tried literally EVERYTHING to raise the money to bring her girl home. Seriously, look at the blog post here where I listed all the ways we were trying to raise this child's ransom!
I feel a tremendous amount of guilt.
Sure, I could say that I've been overwhelmed. I started a new job in October which is exhausting and takes up 45 hours per week of the time I used to use for advocacy and fundraising. When my best friend had to go out and get two jobs to support her family, I took on caring for her kids when she works and I don't, so she doesn't spend all she makes trying to pay a babysitter. I do that happily, because I love her and I love her children - but it's usually another 20 hours a week of my time. When I do get some downtime, I'm emotionally and physically exhausted and just want to zone out.
I could say that. But that's an excuse, to me. And not a good one. Because you see, while I moan and groan over losing 65 hours per week of free time, while I feel desperate just for some time to zone out... Brett and Annie have nothing to do but zone out. They have waited too long for a family. They have far too few people to advocate for them and even fewer willing to step up and change their worlds. No one, so far, has come forward and said "That is my son," for Brett. Not in two years of me advocating for him. Not in four years or more of being listed. Not in twelve years of life. ONE family did step up and say "This is our daughter" for Annie - and yet, even among those of us who spend all our time begging for families for children, begging to save them from life in an institution, asking why someone doesn't step up, they have not received the support they need to complete her adoption!
And I'm as guilty as anyone else. New job or not. Exhausted or not. I'm failing them.
To Brett, and Annie, and my friend Laura, and my friend Amanda and her husband Collin: I am sorry. I should be doing more. I should be doing better.
To everyone else: I can't do better without you. Please. Help me. See these kids. See this family. DO SOMETHING about their need. Many of the fundraisers I was talking about in the previous post for the Jones family are still going on. Check out the new shirts (and the old ones, which I got one of and they're AWESOME) at their blog here. I plan to add a couple more fundraisers to my blog that are currently only on facebook very soon. My friend Laura is working on a fundraiser via facebook for Brett, which I will also announce here very soon. Until then, you can support the Jones via paypal, or via their Reece's Rainbow FSP (please note that paypal donations are not tax deductible, but are available for the immediately needed fees, whereas FSP donations are tax deductible but not accessible until travel invitation). You can support Brett by buying his Angel Tree ornament, or just plain donating to his grant at Reece's Rainbow.
Tomorrow is the day we are supposed to give thanks for what we have. What better way to show our gratitude than to bless someone else? And truly, it isn't even only the children or families you will be blessing... there are many advocates cheering along the sidelines who would be so thankful to see these kids a little closer to home.
As for me... I'm making the decision to stop failing NOW! Get ready to hear from me a lot more often - because I won't rest until these kids are HOME!
