When I started my first blog several years ago, I intended to chronicle a long journey toward adopting a child with special needs. I made plans, I counted days, I screamed and advocated for kids while I waited to be old enough...
And then God threw me a curve ball.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
I have accepted this and I refuse to be ashamed of it.
Unfortunately, the medical community still knows very little about psychological disease (I prefer this term to 'mental illness' because the latter implies the conscious mind is at fault when science proves that, like any other brain disease, structures and chemicals and hormones are responsible) and people with personality disorders are often 'screened out' of the pool of potential adoptive families. Private adoption remains an option for some but these opportunities are not common or reliable. Internationally, personality disorders and similar disease are even less understood. In fact, I'd go so far as to say there are people institutionalized, people whose every right has been taken from them, people living in deplorable conditions - because they have the same disease I do. The difference is this: I was born in the US. I want to HELP those with psychological afflictions. Were I born elsewhere, I would simply be labeled 'another psych case' and I would be the one in need of help. That's staggering to think about.
By now you might sense where this post is going. I likely will never be able to adopt, unless some attitudes change in some pretty big ways. This comes as a major blow especially as my ability to have biological children may be compromised (and all I've ever wanted to be was a mom). However, I have been taking some time for myself and thinking about what all this means for over a year now, and I realized that as usual, when God closed a door, he opened a window.
From now on, I will not be blogging about or actively pursuing my own adoption journey. I will continue to advocate for orphans and indeed for all children - and at the same time, I will advocate for those people like me, people with psychological disease who are misunderstood by society and thus often barred from things like adoption. There is no reason why a properly treated psychological condition should be considered differently than a properly treated 'physical' condition (quotes, because, aren't chemicals physical?) Further, this stigma perpetuates the problem of seriously ill people taking responsibility for children as they choose not to seek treatment for fear of what the label might mean for them. Wouldn't it be better if openness, honesty, and a good solid treatment plan counted for more than a label? THAT is my goal.
So hi. I'm Kate. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. And someday, given the chance, I will be a wonderful mom.
