When I started my first blog several years ago, I intended to chronicle a long journey toward adopting a child with special needs. I made plans, I counted days, I screamed and advocated for kids while I waited to be old enough...
And then God threw me a curve ball.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
I have accepted this and I refuse to be ashamed of it.
Unfortunately, the medical community still knows very little about psychological disease (I prefer this term to 'mental illness' because the latter implies the conscious mind is at fault when science proves that, like any other brain disease, structures and chemicals and hormones are responsible) and people with personality disorders are often 'screened out' of the pool of potential adoptive families. Private adoption remains an option for some but these opportunities are not common or reliable. Internationally, personality disorders and similar disease are even less understood. In fact, I'd go so far as to say there are people institutionalized, people whose every right has been taken from them, people living in deplorable conditions - because they have the same disease I do. The difference is this: I was born in the US. I want to HELP those with psychological afflictions. Were I born elsewhere, I would simply be labeled 'another psych case' and I would be the one in need of help. That's staggering to think about.
By now you might sense where this post is going. I likely will never be able to adopt, unless some attitudes change in some pretty big ways. This comes as a major blow especially as my ability to have biological children may be compromised (and all I've ever wanted to be was a mom). However, I have been taking some time for myself and thinking about what all this means for over a year now, and I realized that as usual, when God closed a door, he opened a window.
From now on, I will not be blogging about or actively pursuing my own adoption journey. I will continue to advocate for orphans and indeed for all children - and at the same time, I will advocate for those people like me, people with psychological disease who are misunderstood by society and thus often barred from things like adoption. There is no reason why a properly treated psychological condition should be considered differently than a properly treated 'physical' condition (quotes, because, aren't chemicals physical?) Further, this stigma perpetuates the problem of seriously ill people taking responsibility for children as they choose not to seek treatment for fear of what the label might mean for them. Wouldn't it be better if openness, honesty, and a good solid treatment plan counted for more than a label? THAT is my goal.
So hi. I'm Kate. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. And someday, given the chance, I will be a wonderful mom.
Friday, March 25, 2016
Thursday, July 3, 2014
My Heart
My heart just literally broke. All over again. I can't even put into words how I'm feeling right now, but I owe it to two little girls to try anyways.
Remember Annie? The little girl who was a spitting image of my sweet A?
Annie has been transferred to a mental institution. She is eight and a half. Just barely younger than my dear A was when I said goodbye to her two years ago.
My A was one of the strongest people I ever met. She had more courage in her pinky finger than men four times her age and ten times her size. She faced seemingly insurmountable obstacles and still managed to find joy in every place she went. When she loved, she loved fiercely, determinedly, loyally. When she hurt, she tried to hold it in... but eventually she started letting me be there for her... and every time she broke down in my arms, I broke down just as much or more on the inside. When she hurt, I hurt with her. I still hurt with her.
I couldn't help A. She told me a terrible secret, and I promised to try to help. I did what I thought was the right thing. Even when that failed, I kept trying until my options were exhausted. In the end, there was nothing I could do to help her, and that tears me to shreds to this day.
We can still help Annie.
She can be adopted. Loved. Treasured. Comforted. Just like my A was in the days she spent with me.
But she needs US. She needs us to share her photo, her story - so that her family might see her and move to bring her home. She needs us to help raise the funds to ransom her from the mental institution where she will spend the rest of her life if not adopted. She needs us to storm Heaven on her behalf.
It's 5:00 am and I'm lying in a hospital bed, unable to sleep, crying both for my little girl and for a little girl halfway across the world who I have never met. I feel like I've failed them both. I tried to advocate for both of them. I prayed for both of them. I swore I would help both of them. And I thought, for a while, that at least I would be able to help Annie in honor of my A. I tried. But it wasn't enough.
Maybe if I had screamed louder, prayed more, worked harder, the family that committed to Annie wouldn't have suffered the financial troubles that caused them to have to release her. Maybe if I had done more, she wouldn't be sitting in a mental institution right now.
I failed A. I have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. I can't live with the guilt of having failed Annie too.
Transferred. To a mental institution.
Please help me help her. Please share her. Donate to her grant if you can. I'm begging you. Since I was admitted to the hospital yesterday everyone has asked me what they could do, and this is it. Share Annie. Share this post. Donate to her grant. Order a bracelet from my facebook shop so that I can donate to Annie. Just help me get her home. That's all I want.
http://reecesrainbow.org/14083/annie-40-4
Remember Annie? The little girl who was a spitting image of my sweet A?
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| Left: My A. Right: "Annie #40-4" |
Annie has been transferred to a mental institution. She is eight and a half. Just barely younger than my dear A was when I said goodbye to her two years ago.
My A was one of the strongest people I ever met. She had more courage in her pinky finger than men four times her age and ten times her size. She faced seemingly insurmountable obstacles and still managed to find joy in every place she went. When she loved, she loved fiercely, determinedly, loyally. When she hurt, she tried to hold it in... but eventually she started letting me be there for her... and every time she broke down in my arms, I broke down just as much or more on the inside. When she hurt, I hurt with her. I still hurt with her.
I couldn't help A. She told me a terrible secret, and I promised to try to help. I did what I thought was the right thing. Even when that failed, I kept trying until my options were exhausted. In the end, there was nothing I could do to help her, and that tears me to shreds to this day.
We can still help Annie.
She can be adopted. Loved. Treasured. Comforted. Just like my A was in the days she spent with me.
But she needs US. She needs us to share her photo, her story - so that her family might see her and move to bring her home. She needs us to help raise the funds to ransom her from the mental institution where she will spend the rest of her life if not adopted. She needs us to storm Heaven on her behalf.
It's 5:00 am and I'm lying in a hospital bed, unable to sleep, crying both for my little girl and for a little girl halfway across the world who I have never met. I feel like I've failed them both. I tried to advocate for both of them. I prayed for both of them. I swore I would help both of them. And I thought, for a while, that at least I would be able to help Annie in honor of my A. I tried. But it wasn't enough.
Maybe if I had screamed louder, prayed more, worked harder, the family that committed to Annie wouldn't have suffered the financial troubles that caused them to have to release her. Maybe if I had done more, she wouldn't be sitting in a mental institution right now.
I failed A. I have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. I can't live with the guilt of having failed Annie too.
Transferred. To a mental institution.
Please help me help her. Please share her. Donate to her grant if you can. I'm begging you. Since I was admitted to the hospital yesterday everyone has asked me what they could do, and this is it. Share Annie. Share this post. Donate to her grant. Order a bracelet from my facebook shop so that I can donate to Annie. Just help me get her home. That's all I want.
http://reecesrainbow.org/14083/annie-40-4
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Twenty-five
This weekend I turned 25.
This is a big deal birthday for me. No, no driving privileges (unless you count that I can now cheaply rent a car), buying alcohol or tobacco (never really was interested anyways), gambling or lottery tickets (ok, the best part of those is scratching them off just for fun)... no earning the right to vote, no 'over the hill', it's not one of 'those' landmark birthdays. But it's a big deal to me.
Why?
Two and a half years ago when I found Reece's Rainbow, when I prayed for God to break my heart in the ways that break His - and my heart was broken for orphans with special needs all over the world - I started reading up on what a person had to do to adopt. To my delight, I found that single mothers could indeed adopt from some countries! There was an income requirement - but it was one that seemed achievable. And then I hit the brick wall... the minimum age requirement for any American to adopt was twenty-five. That seemed so far off. By then, many of these children would have spent most of their childhoods in orphanages. Many of them would have died, having never known the love of a family. And I couldn't go after them... not yet.
So what I did was I made a resolve. I told myself that God had brought these kids to my attention early for a reason, that He was giving me time to get my affairs in order so that when 25 hit, I was ready.
Sometimes I wonder if God laughs a bit to himself when He sees that we think we've figured out His plan.
In the 2.5 years that I was supposed to be spending getting ready to adopt, I've had at least three surgeries, at least half a dozen hospitalizations, a court battle over one of my dear borrowed kids, filed bankruptcy, and lost multiple jobs due to health issues. Instead of being independent, ready to bring an orphan into my home to love as my own forever, I still share a home with my mother. I still scrounge for pennies just to buy food sometimes.
So even though my family (incidentally, only part of which is defined by blood, underscoring the message of my awesome new Reece's Rainbow Sevenly shirt) made my 25th birthday an absolutely wonderful, beautiful day, there is a bittersweet aspect. A mourning of the loss of the hopes I once had for this day.
It was just as I sat down for a birthday dinner with my little family that I got the message from a friend - "Did you see Elizabeth's post about you?" I rushed to read what she was talking about, knowing it could only be good. You see, a little under a year ago, I got to know a wonderful woman named Elizabeth via Reece's Rainbow. There are a lot of things I could tell you about Elizabeth. The most obvious, the one most people might think to mention first, is that she has cancer. But cancer isn't what I think about when I think about Elizabeth. Just like my dearly departed friend Angie, she doesn't let the disease define or limit her life or who she is. What is MORE important to tell you about Elizabeth is that she has one of the kindest, most giving spirits of anyone I have ever met. Knowing her diagnosis would prevent her from adopting, Elizabeth has poured herself into giving whatever she can to children in need and the families who CAN go for them.
That day, without even knowing my personal reflections about turning 25, Elizabeth decided to give me the greatest gift of all... to include me in her magic-making... to allow me to choose a child or family to receive a donation today, for my birthday. I am so thrilled and blessed to be given this opportunity. However, it is so hard, when there are so many deserving children and families, to choose just one to bless today! So that's where my part of the plan comes in.
When Elizabeth made her announcement, I already had a couple children in mind who I would like to see get donations. But the families... goodness, the need there is overwhelming, and I had no idea how to choose. I asked for suggestions... families close to travel, families needing large sums, or just families that held a special place in someone's heart. And boy, did I get suggestions! Hah - and I thought asking for them would make it easier to choose! WRONG!
I have prayerfully chosen to share the blessings with one family and one child. The family will be the Horton Family adopting Gary and Marnie and the child will be Annie #40-4. The Hortons are a wonderful family who brought home a beautiful little girl from Eastern Europe last year - sweet Sophia has undergone a complete transformation since then - she is so healthy and thriving now! We can't wait until Gary and Marnie are home and can enjoy the same blessings of having a family. The Horton family will be leaving for their Gotcha trip in just a few days!
And sweet Annie... my love... I can't recall if I posted about it or not, but the family who had committed to her was regretfully unable to continue and released her. They still love her and have promised to help me advocate for her. As a result of their commitment to her, though, Annie has a permanent listing on Reece's Rainbow and a grant account, which is uncommon for children in her country unless they have Down Syndrome. Most children are listed for the two months an agency has their file, and then disappear again. Because of my friends' initial commitment to Annie, she will now be able to have money in her grant account when a family does step forward for her! Sadly, Annie has recently been transferred to a mental institution. Someone needs to rescue her, and fast!
In the process of choosing the Hortons and Annie, though, many deserving families and children have come to my attention. I would like to share all of these here and ask for your help, as well as introduce one more fundraiser for a third family.
Here is a list of families and children whose needs were brought to my attention, including links to their FSPs and/or blogs. I am humbly asking that you help me out with a 'two for one' gift - two for one because both myself and the families/children will be blessed by your gift. I'm calling it "25 for 25" - as in, $25 of any denomination, for my 25 years of life. Would you please consider giving $25 (for my 25th birthday) - or if you can't afford that, $2.50, or even $0.25 (or any other amount) to any one of these families or children? Since I am unable to adopt at 25 as I had hoped, and am temporarily unemployed and therefore unable to give as much as I'd like to these families and children, all I have left is my voice... so I am begging you to give me the gift of helping me help them. It's all I want for my birthday.
 |
| (And got the world's most awesome shirt) |
This is a big deal birthday for me. No, no driving privileges (unless you count that I can now cheaply rent a car), buying alcohol or tobacco (never really was interested anyways), gambling or lottery tickets (ok, the best part of those is scratching them off just for fun)... no earning the right to vote, no 'over the hill', it's not one of 'those' landmark birthdays. But it's a big deal to me.
Why?
Two and a half years ago when I found Reece's Rainbow, when I prayed for God to break my heart in the ways that break His - and my heart was broken for orphans with special needs all over the world - I started reading up on what a person had to do to adopt. To my delight, I found that single mothers could indeed adopt from some countries! There was an income requirement - but it was one that seemed achievable. And then I hit the brick wall... the minimum age requirement for any American to adopt was twenty-five. That seemed so far off. By then, many of these children would have spent most of their childhoods in orphanages. Many of them would have died, having never known the love of a family. And I couldn't go after them... not yet.
So what I did was I made a resolve. I told myself that God had brought these kids to my attention early for a reason, that He was giving me time to get my affairs in order so that when 25 hit, I was ready.
Sometimes I wonder if God laughs a bit to himself when He sees that we think we've figured out His plan.
In the 2.5 years that I was supposed to be spending getting ready to adopt, I've had at least three surgeries, at least half a dozen hospitalizations, a court battle over one of my dear borrowed kids, filed bankruptcy, and lost multiple jobs due to health issues. Instead of being independent, ready to bring an orphan into my home to love as my own forever, I still share a home with my mother. I still scrounge for pennies just to buy food sometimes.
So even though my family (incidentally, only part of which is defined by blood, underscoring the message of my awesome new Reece's Rainbow Sevenly shirt) made my 25th birthday an absolutely wonderful, beautiful day, there is a bittersweet aspect. A mourning of the loss of the hopes I once had for this day.
It was just as I sat down for a birthday dinner with my little family that I got the message from a friend - "Did you see Elizabeth's post about you?" I rushed to read what she was talking about, knowing it could only be good. You see, a little under a year ago, I got to know a wonderful woman named Elizabeth via Reece's Rainbow. There are a lot of things I could tell you about Elizabeth. The most obvious, the one most people might think to mention first, is that she has cancer. But cancer isn't what I think about when I think about Elizabeth. Just like my dearly departed friend Angie, she doesn't let the disease define or limit her life or who she is. What is MORE important to tell you about Elizabeth is that she has one of the kindest, most giving spirits of anyone I have ever met. Knowing her diagnosis would prevent her from adopting, Elizabeth has poured herself into giving whatever she can to children in need and the families who CAN go for them.
That day, without even knowing my personal reflections about turning 25, Elizabeth decided to give me the greatest gift of all... to include me in her magic-making... to allow me to choose a child or family to receive a donation today, for my birthday. I am so thrilled and blessed to be given this opportunity. However, it is so hard, when there are so many deserving children and families, to choose just one to bless today! So that's where my part of the plan comes in.
When Elizabeth made her announcement, I already had a couple children in mind who I would like to see get donations. But the families... goodness, the need there is overwhelming, and I had no idea how to choose. I asked for suggestions... families close to travel, families needing large sums, or just families that held a special place in someone's heart. And boy, did I get suggestions! Hah - and I thought asking for them would make it easier to choose! WRONG!
I have prayerfully chosen to share the blessings with one family and one child. The family will be the Horton Family adopting Gary and Marnie and the child will be Annie #40-4. The Hortons are a wonderful family who brought home a beautiful little girl from Eastern Europe last year - sweet Sophia has undergone a complete transformation since then - she is so healthy and thriving now! We can't wait until Gary and Marnie are home and can enjoy the same blessings of having a family. The Horton family will be leaving for their Gotcha trip in just a few days!
And sweet Annie... my love... I can't recall if I posted about it or not, but the family who had committed to her was regretfully unable to continue and released her. They still love her and have promised to help me advocate for her. As a result of their commitment to her, though, Annie has a permanent listing on Reece's Rainbow and a grant account, which is uncommon for children in her country unless they have Down Syndrome. Most children are listed for the two months an agency has their file, and then disappear again. Because of my friends' initial commitment to Annie, she will now be able to have money in her grant account when a family does step forward for her! Sadly, Annie has recently been transferred to a mental institution. Someone needs to rescue her, and fast!
In the process of choosing the Hortons and Annie, though, many deserving families and children have come to my attention. I would like to share all of these here and ask for your help, as well as introduce one more fundraiser for a third family.
Here is a list of families and children whose needs were brought to my attention, including links to their FSPs and/or blogs. I am humbly asking that you help me out with a 'two for one' gift - two for one because both myself and the families/children will be blessed by your gift. I'm calling it "25 for 25" - as in, $25 of any denomination, for my 25 years of life. Would you please consider giving $25 (for my 25th birthday) - or if you can't afford that, $2.50, or even $0.25 (or any other amount) to any one of these families or children? Since I am unable to adopt at 25 as I had hoped, and am temporarily unemployed and therefore unable to give as much as I'd like to these families and children, all I have left is my voice... so I am begging you to give me the gift of helping me help them. It's all I want for my birthday.
- Alejandro for the Greene family - This family is in the process of their first adoption, and overwhelmed by all the emotions and excitement that go with that. A little FSP encouragement could be just what they need!
- Kiril and Dell's family - These two have been waiting so long for a family... and it's finally their turn! What a blessing it would be for them and their family to get a little help bringing their boys home!
- Brandy and Brielle for the Casebier family - Terri Casebier has been the most wonderful advocate for so many families. Even as they raise funds for their own adoption, she posts all the time about families with urgent needs. When I asked for suggestions of families for this project, she not only posted her FSP but those of several other families!
- Rita for the Mayr family - This family is getting ready to travel for their 'gotcha' trip and are still thousands of dollars short! Could you please help out in some way?
- Margaret for the Thorp family - This family is traveling within the next few weeks and are still short on funds. They have already suffered a huge blow as Margaret's sweet sister Merry, to whom she was very attached, passed away early this year.
- Daniel for the Rakoczy family - One of the 'pipeline' families who was in process to adopt a child from Russia, this family has chosen to adopt a child from another country and are traveling in a few weeks, but still thousands short!
- Abby-Kate for the Lewis family - This family is leaving in only a couple weeks and still nearly $1500 short! They could really use an FSP boost of any amount.
- Theo, Orion, and Barton for the Bloom family - Another family traveling soon, the Blooms are adopting three older boys (and I hear rumor that they are considering adding one more!). A donation to their FSP would be greatly appreciated.
- Gage and Millie for the Novit family - I added this family myself. Colleen has been a huge inspiration to me in recent months - through ups and downs, she has kept her focus where it belongs - squarely on the children. Now she is adopting two precious children - one, an older girl with DS who has been waiting a very long time, and one a little boy from "the bad place" who very badly needs to come home. She has been the biggest cheerleader for so many children and families and I think it's time she gets some recognition of her own.
- Berkeley +1 for the Williams family - This is another family I added myself. The Williams' "+1" was originally supposed to be an older girl they had previously hosted. They were set to travel in the next few months to finally bring her home - this girl who knew and loved her family already - when her region closed to adoptions due to political upheaval in country. Their hearts are broken but they have not completely given up on the girl who will always be their daughter. For those of you who know me and my story, you know how I identify with their struggle. As the Williams continue to prepare to bring Berkeley home, in spite of all that is against them, they could really use some encouragement.
- Maria for the Cox family - Another family I added on my own. Kristi Cox replied to the post to wish me a happy birthday, but didn't even post her own FSP. I have grown to love her family over recent months, initially because she has a little girl similar in age to my A and whose (uncommon) name is only one letter different. Kristi's A longs to bring home her sister, a child who has waited far too long, and any help for them would be deeply appreciated.
- Tatiana for the Darrow family - This is the last family I chose myself, and I chose them because of their daughter. Tatiana was one of the first children I loved when I found Reece's Rainbow 2.5 years ago. She had a family at one point but they were not prepared for her needs and had to turn down her referral. Tatiana desperately craves attention and a family would do her so much good. Now this family has stepped forward for her, and I want to support them.
- BRETT NEEDS A FAMILY - For anyone who prefers to donate to children's accounts instead of families, I have added a couple. You all likely know my love for sweet Brett, who has waited far too long, as long as anyone can remember, for a family. Go and read his story, if you haven't yet, and tell me it doesn't break your heart. As an older boy (one of the hardest groups to place), Brett is going to need all the help we can give him.
- GEORGE NEEDS A FAMILY - Only recently listed, but still an older boy who has waited in an institution far too long, George is in the same place as Brett. The sad face in his profile picture breaks my heart, and I long to see a family turn it into what I'm sure is a handsome smile. A family for George would also mean more visibility for Brett, and we know this helps get kids adopted. George has been on my heart since the day he was listed and I would deeply appreciate any help for him.
Finally, there is one other project and family that I would like to mention. I have recently taken up making paracord bracelets, which are stylish, can display your colors, cause, or team of choice, and are useful in many situations. To read more about the many uses of paracord, check out this link. For local customers, I am selling these for $5 each - colors and size customizable, or I have some premade in stock. For customers requiring shipping, they are $7 (to account for shipping) although if multiple bracelets are ordered, only the first is $7 and the rest are $5. I have already sold 6 of these and would like to sell more (maybe 25?) before the end of the month. At that point, the proceeds from the bracelets will be donated to another family. Choosing a family for Elizabeth's wonderful gift also helped me choose my April family for this project, which will be the Winslows, adopting Edward and JoyAnna. I have long loved this family. They initially committed to, and met, a little girl called Zoey. Zoey was a tiny, frail thing in desperate need of medical attention. Sadly, not long after their trip to meet Zoey, during which they held her, sang to her, and read her Bible verses, Zoey went home not with the Winslows, but with Jesus. Determined to rescue another child in desperate condition, the Winslows did something nearly unprecedented and added another child to their adoption after the first trip. Now, because of Zoey, JoyAnna will be given the gift of a family and a life outside an institution. So for the month of April, if you order a paracord bracelet from me, all the proceeds will go to the Winslows, who expect to travel in May!
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| Sweet Zoey in the arms of her Mama |
Edward and JoyAnna
Please check out what I have to offer in paracord items here (you need not have a facebook account to see the album) and consider ordering something this month to benefit the Winslows! You can message me on facebook or comment here and I will give you an email address to use to order these.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Need to Start Fresh
Those of you who are still reading (or would be if there were anything here to read) might have noticed my lack of posts recently. I could say the same things over again... that I've been discouraged, that I've had a lot going on in my life, that I haven't been quite sure what to do with my blog... but you've heard it all already.
One thing that I do need to get out of the way is that Annie, the darling girl I advocated for who is basically my A's doppleganger, had a family, but they were not able to proceed with her adoption. This is sad news as they very much loved Annie and wanted to bring her home. But on a positive note, not long after my friend's family discovered they would be unable to proceed with Annie's adoption (due to circumstances beyond their control), they found out they are pregnant after years of infertility! Your prayers are much appreciated for my friend Amanda and her growing family, as well as for Annie and whomever her family might be - that they will find her and bring her home!
Now, that said, I don't exactly have a specific family to raise funds for right now, so I would like to focus for a while on finding families for a few special kids. Finding Annie a new family is a priority... she is at a prime age to be adopted and I think she will bring so much joy to a family... but they need to find her before she spends more time in an orphanage, which is no place for a child to grow up. At any time she could be transferred to a place that does not care for her as well as it seems the current facility does. I want her family to come for her before that can happen. Another priority remains finding a family for sweet Brett, who has waited 12 1/2 long years for a mama to call his own. I do not want to be yelling for that boy at the 11th hour, when he is near aging out. More and more families are bringing home older children with down syndrome and wondering how they lived so long without them! Brett's profile states that he is not aggressive and it is believed that he would do wonderfully in a family. NOW is the time to bring him home... I can't imagine that poor boy having to go through the teen years alone!
Besides those two, who are very near and dear to my heart, there are still four children, who are available for adoption (and 3 of whom are listed through Reece's Rainbow), living in the orphanage known as "The Bad Place". A couple years ago when little Katie Musser came home at 9 years old and 10 pounds, children from that orphanage were being scooped up as quickly as they could be listed. Everyone wanted to do something for a child like Katie. But now... where have those people gone? And so four children, some very able, some very young, all precious and beautiful... continue to wait. In a place that, despite the improvements the new director has made, no child should be.
So for now - I think my focus is going to be less on fundraising and more on finding families. Once families are found for some of these little ones, I'll be ready and set to do what it takes to help them bring their little ones home. That doesn't mean I won't occasionally post a link to a fundraiser, or plead on behalf of a family in dire straits - (incidentally, the Harlin family is stuck in limbo in a certain tumultuous Eastern European country right now and stretched very, very thin... they were never completely funded anyways and now the children's father has used up all his paid leave from work due to the delays in country - not to mention that their son Sergei, who they just adopted, is very medically fragile and needs to get to the US for medical care ASAP - but can't, without a stamp from a region that is in complete chaos. Your prayers, and even donations if you feel so led, are coveted for them.) - but overall, right now, what we NEED is for families to step forward.
Another thing I'd really like to spend some time focusing on in the coming months is the reality of what it is like for orphans with special needs around the world. I have noticed more and more new people coming 'into the fold' so to speak, learning about the plight of orphans, and I would love to help express to more people what things are really like for these kids. I will likely be reaching out to friends, maybe even guest bloggers, to assist me with spreading the word.
I can't promise that posts will come at a steady pace right now - there is still a lot going on in my life - but I am going to try to post more regularly. In the meantime, won't you please join me in prayer, and maybe spread the word, about the needs of Annie and Brett, and for the Harlin family? Prayers for Ukraine would also be deeply appreciated as this country is dearly loved by many of us in the international adoption community. What has gone on there is certainly sad, but perhaps even sadder is the humanitarian crisis unfolding as thousands of orphans are now effectively 'stuck' in Crimea as Russia claims it has reabsorbed the territory, thus causing Crimean orphans to fall under the Russian ban of most international adoptions. For many of these children, international adoption is their only hope, as their special needs render them invalid by their own country.
In any case, that's where things stand right now. I apologize for anyone who was unhappy (or even noticed - I hold no delusions that my blog posts are something magnificent to look forward to) with my absence... I am hoping to do better in the future! For now though, the best thing any of us can do is PRAY!
One thing that I do need to get out of the way is that Annie, the darling girl I advocated for who is basically my A's doppleganger, had a family, but they were not able to proceed with her adoption. This is sad news as they very much loved Annie and wanted to bring her home. But on a positive note, not long after my friend's family discovered they would be unable to proceed with Annie's adoption (due to circumstances beyond their control), they found out they are pregnant after years of infertility! Your prayers are much appreciated for my friend Amanda and her growing family, as well as for Annie and whomever her family might be - that they will find her and bring her home!
Now, that said, I don't exactly have a specific family to raise funds for right now, so I would like to focus for a while on finding families for a few special kids. Finding Annie a new family is a priority... she is at a prime age to be adopted and I think she will bring so much joy to a family... but they need to find her before she spends more time in an orphanage, which is no place for a child to grow up. At any time she could be transferred to a place that does not care for her as well as it seems the current facility does. I want her family to come for her before that can happen. Another priority remains finding a family for sweet Brett, who has waited 12 1/2 long years for a mama to call his own. I do not want to be yelling for that boy at the 11th hour, when he is near aging out. More and more families are bringing home older children with down syndrome and wondering how they lived so long without them! Brett's profile states that he is not aggressive and it is believed that he would do wonderfully in a family. NOW is the time to bring him home... I can't imagine that poor boy having to go through the teen years alone!
|
| Annie |
 |
| Brett |
Besides those two, who are very near and dear to my heart, there are still four children, who are available for adoption (and 3 of whom are listed through Reece's Rainbow), living in the orphanage known as "The Bad Place". A couple years ago when little Katie Musser came home at 9 years old and 10 pounds, children from that orphanage were being scooped up as quickly as they could be listed. Everyone wanted to do something for a child like Katie. But now... where have those people gone? And so four children, some very able, some very young, all precious and beautiful... continue to wait. In a place that, despite the improvements the new director has made, no child should be.
 |
| These children belong in families. |
So for now - I think my focus is going to be less on fundraising and more on finding families. Once families are found for some of these little ones, I'll be ready and set to do what it takes to help them bring their little ones home. That doesn't mean I won't occasionally post a link to a fundraiser, or plead on behalf of a family in dire straits - (incidentally, the Harlin family is stuck in limbo in a certain tumultuous Eastern European country right now and stretched very, very thin... they were never completely funded anyways and now the children's father has used up all his paid leave from work due to the delays in country - not to mention that their son Sergei, who they just adopted, is very medically fragile and needs to get to the US for medical care ASAP - but can't, without a stamp from a region that is in complete chaos. Your prayers, and even donations if you feel so led, are coveted for them.) - but overall, right now, what we NEED is for families to step forward.
Another thing I'd really like to spend some time focusing on in the coming months is the reality of what it is like for orphans with special needs around the world. I have noticed more and more new people coming 'into the fold' so to speak, learning about the plight of orphans, and I would love to help express to more people what things are really like for these kids. I will likely be reaching out to friends, maybe even guest bloggers, to assist me with spreading the word.
I can't promise that posts will come at a steady pace right now - there is still a lot going on in my life - but I am going to try to post more regularly. In the meantime, won't you please join me in prayer, and maybe spread the word, about the needs of Annie and Brett, and for the Harlin family? Prayers for Ukraine would also be deeply appreciated as this country is dearly loved by many of us in the international adoption community. What has gone on there is certainly sad, but perhaps even sadder is the humanitarian crisis unfolding as thousands of orphans are now effectively 'stuck' in Crimea as Russia claims it has reabsorbed the territory, thus causing Crimean orphans to fall under the Russian ban of most international adoptions. For many of these children, international adoption is their only hope, as their special needs render them invalid by their own country.
 |
| Innocent casualties of war... |
In any case, that's where things stand right now. I apologize for anyone who was unhappy (or even noticed - I hold no delusions that my blog posts are something magnificent to look forward to) with my absence... I am hoping to do better in the future! For now though, the best thing any of us can do is PRAY!
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Blunt, Honest, Whatever you want to call it
I haven't posted much this season. That's obvious.
I keep meaning to. I keep meaning to do all kinds of things.
I posted before that I've been busy, and that's true. But I realized today that it's not why I haven't been posting. It's not why I've been quieter than usual on facebook, in groups and on my own page, it's not why I didn't choose my own Angel Tree child this year instead of teaming up with someone else. Being busy has little, if anything, to do with 'where I've been'.
This is the blunt and honest part.
I'll tell you what DOES have to do with where I've been.
I'm discouraged. More than discouraged. I feel sad, depressed and hopeless. When I think about writing a blog post or launching a fundraiser, the next thought in my mind is "Why bother?"
And I wish I could say I was alone. Spoken or unspoken, I am not the only advocate who feels this way right now - not to mention the families, trying desperately to raise ransoms for their children.
Christmastime is usually a hot-bed of activity for orphan advocates. Reece's Rainbow does the Angel Tree. Everybody has an auction and everyone tries to do their shopping at auctions. There are daily blog posts trying to get those kids on the bottom tier of the Angel Tree to the next step. There are people who do their Christmas giving in ways that help families get one step closer to their children.
This year has been different.
Sure, there has been fundraising for Angel Tree... but honestly, when I look at the page it just makes me sad. Some children have raised thousands in the past six weeks, while others sit with meager amounts barely over two digits. I'm not saying the advocates for the children who've raised thousands have done anything wrong - in fact, they've done everything right... but Angel Tree has always been a team effort more than anything... and this year I just haven't seen as many people rallying for the kiddos with the least, and I can't help thinking that we could be sharing the wealth more than we are.
There have been families doing auctions, selling items from companies like usborne and thirty-one that make perfect gifts... but instead of doing a brisk Christmas business, this year they've been shouting themselves hoarse to no avail. Others have given up entirely, preferring to take a break and re-energize their efforts over the holidays.
And there have been advocates, like me... countless advocates... who blog less, shout less, help less, and maybe even pray less... because after watching fundraiser after fundraiser fall flat on its face, we can't honestly imagine how anything we do could make a difference. How our fundraiser would be any different. How our blog post would make any more of an impression. How anyone will notice us screaming when it seems like everyone's got ear plugs in.
But worse, there are the children. Both children with families coming and those without... it is they who truly suffer when we fall short.
How many times, I ask those of you in the advocacy community, have you or someone else begged, screamed, and shouted for a child to find a family, for just someone to say "yes" to that child? Even this year with fundraising stalled for many of us, that's one type of post that hasn't decreased in number. But how can we expect families to step up and offer that "yes" we're so desperately pleading for, if this is how we support them after they do it? Remember, they're seeing the same things that you're seeing. Fundraisers fizzling. Absent advocates. What used to be a team effort turning into people taking sides over everything. The ones who HAVE stepped up and said "Yes, we will offer a home to one of the least of these", have not had the kind of support they deserve from the rest of us. Other potential families SEE that! They SEE families begging and pleading for every dollar, sometimes right from the start and sometimes right up until they board the plane home. How can they say "yes" when they know they will likely be signing up for the same sort of stress, the same lack of support, the same frustrations?
We've created a difficult environment in which to have the faith to step out onto the water.
I'm not saying we're doing nothing. I'm not saying people aren't trying. They are. They're trying so hard, in fact, that they're becoming exhausted and disheartened, like I am. It's not enough to try for 'your' child or your 'favorite' family. If we all only advocate for ourselves, who then is left to hear our voices? At one point in the last year I wrote about how touched I was to see a family currently in the process of adopting giving to another adopting family. It was actually something I saw all the time. This year, not as much. So many of us, myself included, have gotten sucked into our own little world, our worries about having enough to support 'our' family or 'our' orphan, that we forget to help others in their efforts. As if we haven't learned already that when you give selflessly, the Lord multiplies your offering to bless many. Or maybe we've just forgotten.
This is my call to action. Tonight, I'm going to STOP focusing so much on what I'm NOT doing for the families I promised to help or the orphans I promised to shout for. I'm going to look around at everybody else's efforts. And I'm going to see who I can help... because helping others is the only way I can really expect anybody to help me. I challenge the rest of you to do the same. Don't hesitate to give because you're not close with a family, or because you never noticed a child before. Listen to the cries of the families and warriors, and let your heart tell you where to give. I promise you, it will be multiplied back upon you. And above all? PRAY. PRAY that the Lord would lift the burdens of those we love. We have taken too much upon ourselves. It's time to put things back where they belong: in His hands.
I keep meaning to. I keep meaning to do all kinds of things.
I posted before that I've been busy, and that's true. But I realized today that it's not why I haven't been posting. It's not why I've been quieter than usual on facebook, in groups and on my own page, it's not why I didn't choose my own Angel Tree child this year instead of teaming up with someone else. Being busy has little, if anything, to do with 'where I've been'.
This is the blunt and honest part.
I'll tell you what DOES have to do with where I've been.
I'm discouraged. More than discouraged. I feel sad, depressed and hopeless. When I think about writing a blog post or launching a fundraiser, the next thought in my mind is "Why bother?"
And I wish I could say I was alone. Spoken or unspoken, I am not the only advocate who feels this way right now - not to mention the families, trying desperately to raise ransoms for their children.
Christmastime is usually a hot-bed of activity for orphan advocates. Reece's Rainbow does the Angel Tree. Everybody has an auction and everyone tries to do their shopping at auctions. There are daily blog posts trying to get those kids on the bottom tier of the Angel Tree to the next step. There are people who do their Christmas giving in ways that help families get one step closer to their children.
This year has been different.
Sure, there has been fundraising for Angel Tree... but honestly, when I look at the page it just makes me sad. Some children have raised thousands in the past six weeks, while others sit with meager amounts barely over two digits. I'm not saying the advocates for the children who've raised thousands have done anything wrong - in fact, they've done everything right... but Angel Tree has always been a team effort more than anything... and this year I just haven't seen as many people rallying for the kiddos with the least, and I can't help thinking that we could be sharing the wealth more than we are.
There have been families doing auctions, selling items from companies like usborne and thirty-one that make perfect gifts... but instead of doing a brisk Christmas business, this year they've been shouting themselves hoarse to no avail. Others have given up entirely, preferring to take a break and re-energize their efforts over the holidays.
And there have been advocates, like me... countless advocates... who blog less, shout less, help less, and maybe even pray less... because after watching fundraiser after fundraiser fall flat on its face, we can't honestly imagine how anything we do could make a difference. How our fundraiser would be any different. How our blog post would make any more of an impression. How anyone will notice us screaming when it seems like everyone's got ear plugs in.
But worse, there are the children. Both children with families coming and those without... it is they who truly suffer when we fall short.
How many times, I ask those of you in the advocacy community, have you or someone else begged, screamed, and shouted for a child to find a family, for just someone to say "yes" to that child? Even this year with fundraising stalled for many of us, that's one type of post that hasn't decreased in number. But how can we expect families to step up and offer that "yes" we're so desperately pleading for, if this is how we support them after they do it? Remember, they're seeing the same things that you're seeing. Fundraisers fizzling. Absent advocates. What used to be a team effort turning into people taking sides over everything. The ones who HAVE stepped up and said "Yes, we will offer a home to one of the least of these", have not had the kind of support they deserve from the rest of us. Other potential families SEE that! They SEE families begging and pleading for every dollar, sometimes right from the start and sometimes right up until they board the plane home. How can they say "yes" when they know they will likely be signing up for the same sort of stress, the same lack of support, the same frustrations?
We've created a difficult environment in which to have the faith to step out onto the water.
I'm not saying we're doing nothing. I'm not saying people aren't trying. They are. They're trying so hard, in fact, that they're becoming exhausted and disheartened, like I am. It's not enough to try for 'your' child or your 'favorite' family. If we all only advocate for ourselves, who then is left to hear our voices? At one point in the last year I wrote about how touched I was to see a family currently in the process of adopting giving to another adopting family. It was actually something I saw all the time. This year, not as much. So many of us, myself included, have gotten sucked into our own little world, our worries about having enough to support 'our' family or 'our' orphan, that we forget to help others in their efforts. As if we haven't learned already that when you give selflessly, the Lord multiplies your offering to bless many. Or maybe we've just forgotten.
This is my call to action. Tonight, I'm going to STOP focusing so much on what I'm NOT doing for the families I promised to help or the orphans I promised to shout for. I'm going to look around at everybody else's efforts. And I'm going to see who I can help... because helping others is the only way I can really expect anybody to help me. I challenge the rest of you to do the same. Don't hesitate to give because you're not close with a family, or because you never noticed a child before. Listen to the cries of the families and warriors, and let your heart tell you where to give. I promise you, it will be multiplied back upon you. And above all? PRAY. PRAY that the Lord would lift the burdens of those we love. We have taken too much upon ourselves. It's time to put things back where they belong: in His hands.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Reece's Rainbow Families & Children | I'm failing.
This is one of those 'being honest' posts.
I've been advocating for international orphans with special needs for almost exactly two years now. It was right around Thanksgiving when I saw Katie Musser's picture and read her Mama's blog and watched the videos and visited Reece's Rainbow and the entire weight of the orphan crisis hit me like a ton of bricks. Two years ago, I couldn't even sleep because no matter what I did to help, it wasn't ENOUGH.
One year ago, with Angel Tree in full swing, helping to raise $1000 each for TWO boys, I was preparing to shave my head if they met their goal... which I did, and I'll have you know it was actually kind of fun! Not that I want to do it again. I miss ponytails.
This year I'm failing.
I didn't officially sign up for Angel Tree because I wanted to devote my efforts to helping my friend Laura raise Brett's Angel Tree money. I was also committed to helping a family raise the money they need to progress with the adoption of their daughter.
All the well-laid plans I had in the past year fell apart in a haze of hospital stays, heartbreak, frustration, and being overwhelmed.
Now it's nearly halfway through Angel Tree... and Brett's total for this year sits at $44.55. The very bottom tier. There are some kids already up to $5,000 raised in the past month alone!
I'm failing. I'm failing Brett. Brett, who has sat on Reece's Rainbow for at least four years. Brett, who has been overlooked for too long. Brett, whose grant was under $100 when I started advocating for him. Brett, who has been sitting in an orphanage, no family ever coming for him, for TWELVE YEARS.
And I'm failing Annie. Annie, and her Mama and Daddy to be, who I promised to help. Annie, who reminds me so much of my precious A, who I would do anything to bring home. The Enemy has waged war on the Jones family, whose nest-egg for adoption was eaten away literally as soon as they announced their intention to adopt. Now they are left scrambling to come up with money urgently needed for agency fees. Money that has to be paid before they even get that invitation to travel. I'm failing my friend Amanda, who has tried literally EVERYTHING to raise the money to bring her girl home. Seriously, look at the blog post here where I listed all the ways we were trying to raise this child's ransom!
I feel a tremendous amount of guilt.
Sure, I could say that I've been overwhelmed. I started a new job in October which is exhausting and takes up 45 hours per week of the time I used to use for advocacy and fundraising. When my best friend had to go out and get two jobs to support her family, I took on caring for her kids when she works and I don't, so she doesn't spend all she makes trying to pay a babysitter. I do that happily, because I love her and I love her children - but it's usually another 20 hours a week of my time. When I do get some downtime, I'm emotionally and physically exhausted and just want to zone out.
I could say that. But that's an excuse, to me. And not a good one. Because you see, while I moan and groan over losing 65 hours per week of free time, while I feel desperate just for some time to zone out... Brett and Annie have nothing to do but zone out. They have waited too long for a family. They have far too few people to advocate for them and even fewer willing to step up and change their worlds. No one, so far, has come forward and said "That is my son," for Brett. Not in two years of me advocating for him. Not in four years or more of being listed. Not in twelve years of life. ONE family did step up and say "This is our daughter" for Annie - and yet, even among those of us who spend all our time begging for families for children, begging to save them from life in an institution, asking why someone doesn't step up, they have not received the support they need to complete her adoption!
And I'm as guilty as anyone else. New job or not. Exhausted or not. I'm failing them.
To Brett, and Annie, and my friend Laura, and my friend Amanda and her husband Collin: I am sorry. I should be doing more. I should be doing better.
To everyone else: I can't do better without you. Please. Help me. See these kids. See this family. DO SOMETHING about their need. Many of the fundraisers I was talking about in the previous post for the Jones family are still going on. Check out the new shirts (and the old ones, which I got one of and they're AWESOME) at their blog here. I plan to add a couple more fundraisers to my blog that are currently only on facebook very soon. My friend Laura is working on a fundraiser via facebook for Brett, which I will also announce here very soon. Until then, you can support the Jones via paypal, or via their Reece's Rainbow FSP (please note that paypal donations are not tax deductible, but are available for the immediately needed fees, whereas FSP donations are tax deductible but not accessible until travel invitation). You can support Brett by buying his Angel Tree ornament, or just plain donating to his grant at Reece's Rainbow.
Tomorrow is the day we are supposed to give thanks for what we have. What better way to show our gratitude than to bless someone else? And truly, it isn't even only the children or families you will be blessing... there are many advocates cheering along the sidelines who would be so thankful to see these kids a little closer to home.
As for me... I'm making the decision to stop failing NOW! Get ready to hear from me a lot more often - because I won't rest until these kids are HOME!
I've been advocating for international orphans with special needs for almost exactly two years now. It was right around Thanksgiving when I saw Katie Musser's picture and read her Mama's blog and watched the videos and visited Reece's Rainbow and the entire weight of the orphan crisis hit me like a ton of bricks. Two years ago, I couldn't even sleep because no matter what I did to help, it wasn't ENOUGH.
One year ago, with Angel Tree in full swing, helping to raise $1000 each for TWO boys, I was preparing to shave my head if they met their goal... which I did, and I'll have you know it was actually kind of fun! Not that I want to do it again. I miss ponytails.
This year I'm failing.
I didn't officially sign up for Angel Tree because I wanted to devote my efforts to helping my friend Laura raise Brett's Angel Tree money. I was also committed to helping a family raise the money they need to progress with the adoption of their daughter.
All the well-laid plans I had in the past year fell apart in a haze of hospital stays, heartbreak, frustration, and being overwhelmed.
Now it's nearly halfway through Angel Tree... and Brett's total for this year sits at $44.55. The very bottom tier. There are some kids already up to $5,000 raised in the past month alone!
I'm failing. I'm failing Brett. Brett, who has sat on Reece's Rainbow for at least four years. Brett, who has been overlooked for too long. Brett, whose grant was under $100 when I started advocating for him. Brett, who has been sitting in an orphanage, no family ever coming for him, for TWELVE YEARS.
And I'm failing Annie. Annie, and her Mama and Daddy to be, who I promised to help. Annie, who reminds me so much of my precious A, who I would do anything to bring home. The Enemy has waged war on the Jones family, whose nest-egg for adoption was eaten away literally as soon as they announced their intention to adopt. Now they are left scrambling to come up with money urgently needed for agency fees. Money that has to be paid before they even get that invitation to travel. I'm failing my friend Amanda, who has tried literally EVERYTHING to raise the money to bring her girl home. Seriously, look at the blog post here where I listed all the ways we were trying to raise this child's ransom!
I feel a tremendous amount of guilt.
Sure, I could say that I've been overwhelmed. I started a new job in October which is exhausting and takes up 45 hours per week of the time I used to use for advocacy and fundraising. When my best friend had to go out and get two jobs to support her family, I took on caring for her kids when she works and I don't, so she doesn't spend all she makes trying to pay a babysitter. I do that happily, because I love her and I love her children - but it's usually another 20 hours a week of my time. When I do get some downtime, I'm emotionally and physically exhausted and just want to zone out.
I could say that. But that's an excuse, to me. And not a good one. Because you see, while I moan and groan over losing 65 hours per week of free time, while I feel desperate just for some time to zone out... Brett and Annie have nothing to do but zone out. They have waited too long for a family. They have far too few people to advocate for them and even fewer willing to step up and change their worlds. No one, so far, has come forward and said "That is my son," for Brett. Not in two years of me advocating for him. Not in four years or more of being listed. Not in twelve years of life. ONE family did step up and say "This is our daughter" for Annie - and yet, even among those of us who spend all our time begging for families for children, begging to save them from life in an institution, asking why someone doesn't step up, they have not received the support they need to complete her adoption!
And I'm as guilty as anyone else. New job or not. Exhausted or not. I'm failing them.
To Brett, and Annie, and my friend Laura, and my friend Amanda and her husband Collin: I am sorry. I should be doing more. I should be doing better.
To everyone else: I can't do better without you. Please. Help me. See these kids. See this family. DO SOMETHING about their need. Many of the fundraisers I was talking about in the previous post for the Jones family are still going on. Check out the new shirts (and the old ones, which I got one of and they're AWESOME) at their blog here. I plan to add a couple more fundraisers to my blog that are currently only on facebook very soon. My friend Laura is working on a fundraiser via facebook for Brett, which I will also announce here very soon. Until then, you can support the Jones via paypal, or via their Reece's Rainbow FSP (please note that paypal donations are not tax deductible, but are available for the immediately needed fees, whereas FSP donations are tax deductible but not accessible until travel invitation). You can support Brett by buying his Angel Tree ornament, or just plain donating to his grant at Reece's Rainbow.
Tomorrow is the day we are supposed to give thanks for what we have. What better way to show our gratitude than to bless someone else? And truly, it isn't even only the children or families you will be blessing... there are many advocates cheering along the sidelines who would be so thankful to see these kids a little closer to home.
As for me... I'm making the decision to stop failing NOW! Get ready to hear from me a lot more often - because I won't rest until these kids are HOME!
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Divided We Fall
I had a long, hopefully eloquent post typed out about what I'm feeling tonight.
I deleted it.
What I have to say, you can't say eloquently.
And no one would listen anyways.
No, this is one of those times when I have to be blunt... so I will.
We are failing.
I'm talking to you, adoption advocates. ALL of you.
I don't care what ministry you support.
I don't care what your philosophy on adoption is.
I don't care who or from where you've adopted, or even whether you've adopted at all.
I'm talking to ALL of you.
We are failing.
Around twelve years ago (you do the math), I learned the phrase, "United we stand, divided we fall."
We are falling.
We have divided, and divided, and divided ourselves so many times that there is no one left to band together to support families the way we should.
People are afraid to support this family or that family.
Because they use a different ministry.
Because they're friends with the wrong people.
Because they said something you didn't like.
So instead they gather with their friends and whisper about what this group or that group is doing wrong.
And the family is left with little or no support.
And the child waits longer.
And the Enemy rejoices.
I have to share something my mother told me (and actually, she had to tell me repeatedly before it sunk in) when I had essentially grown up.
You are NOT going to agree with everyone all the time. That doesn't mean they're not entitled to their opinion, or that you're not entitled to yours, or that either of you aren't entitled to voice them.
It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round.
Right now, we're letting these differences of opinion - over every little thing - divide us.
And we are falling.
And when we fall, the children fall with us.
I won't tell anyone not to have an opinion. It's your right to have an opinion. But when we start insisting that others share our opinions "or else", or when we villify anyone who disagrees with that opinion, we only hurt our own cause.
Voices go silent, for fear of being criticized.
Voices that were shouting for the children.
Our minds start to see things in terms of "us" and "them", diminishing the support systems we depend on to do good work.
It's okay to disagree!
In fact, it's great!
One of the first rules of research is to research your opposition. Find out what, if any value their arguments have. It is in feeling out all the possible points of view that we form our own - the one that is right for us.
You know what, it's even okay not to like someone, or even a group of someones. People aren't always going to get along.
But excluding or speaking ugly words about people who have the same basic goal as you do - to get kids home - can only hurt the cause we share.
Share your point of view. Let others share theirs. Let people make up their own minds.
Sure, you might feel like you're right. You might want to defend that opinion to the death.
But is it worth it, at risk of further dividing our already fractured community?
Is it worth it, when divided we fall?
I'll be brutally honest. Right now, I'm seeing a lot of behavior from adults - adults who call themselves Christians - that makes me sad. Behavior that I do not think is constructive to our goal, but rather destructive.
And lest anyone think I am directing this post at one particular group or faction, please know that is absolutely not my intention. This post is a culmination of feelings I've had for months now that I just couldn't hold in any longer. Yes, I am affiliated with certain organizations. This does not mean that I think that those who are affiliated with a different organization are wrong. We, of all people should know that different does not mean bad! Outside that affiliation, however, I do not belong to any faction except the one that wants to get kids home - and regardless of our affiliations, isn't that the one we all belong to?
I'm just a person who doesn't want to see us fall because we have divided ourselves.
I want to ask you all to think before you speak. Go ahead, voice your opinion. But your voice stops where another voice begins. We cannot, no matter how right we think we are, quash the rights of others to voice their opinions.
Remember, it was Jesus himself who said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
I deleted it.
What I have to say, you can't say eloquently.
And no one would listen anyways.
No, this is one of those times when I have to be blunt... so I will.
We are failing.
I'm talking to you, adoption advocates. ALL of you.
I don't care what ministry you support.
I don't care what your philosophy on adoption is.
I don't care who or from where you've adopted, or even whether you've adopted at all.
I'm talking to ALL of you.
We are failing.
Around twelve years ago (you do the math), I learned the phrase, "United we stand, divided we fall."
We are falling.
We have divided, and divided, and divided ourselves so many times that there is no one left to band together to support families the way we should.
People are afraid to support this family or that family.
Because they use a different ministry.
Because they're friends with the wrong people.
Because they said something you didn't like.
So instead they gather with their friends and whisper about what this group or that group is doing wrong.
And the family is left with little or no support.
And the child waits longer.
And the Enemy rejoices.
I have to share something my mother told me (and actually, she had to tell me repeatedly before it sunk in) when I had essentially grown up.
You are NOT going to agree with everyone all the time. That doesn't mean they're not entitled to their opinion, or that you're not entitled to yours, or that either of you aren't entitled to voice them.
It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round.
Right now, we're letting these differences of opinion - over every little thing - divide us.
And we are falling.
And when we fall, the children fall with us.
I won't tell anyone not to have an opinion. It's your right to have an opinion. But when we start insisting that others share our opinions "or else", or when we villify anyone who disagrees with that opinion, we only hurt our own cause.
Voices go silent, for fear of being criticized.
Voices that were shouting for the children.
Our minds start to see things in terms of "us" and "them", diminishing the support systems we depend on to do good work.
It's okay to disagree!
In fact, it's great!
One of the first rules of research is to research your opposition. Find out what, if any value their arguments have. It is in feeling out all the possible points of view that we form our own - the one that is right for us.
You know what, it's even okay not to like someone, or even a group of someones. People aren't always going to get along.
But excluding or speaking ugly words about people who have the same basic goal as you do - to get kids home - can only hurt the cause we share.
Share your point of view. Let others share theirs. Let people make up their own minds.
Sure, you might feel like you're right. You might want to defend that opinion to the death.
But is it worth it, at risk of further dividing our already fractured community?
Is it worth it, when divided we fall?
I'll be brutally honest. Right now, I'm seeing a lot of behavior from adults - adults who call themselves Christians - that makes me sad. Behavior that I do not think is constructive to our goal, but rather destructive.
And lest anyone think I am directing this post at one particular group or faction, please know that is absolutely not my intention. This post is a culmination of feelings I've had for months now that I just couldn't hold in any longer. Yes, I am affiliated with certain organizations. This does not mean that I think that those who are affiliated with a different organization are wrong. We, of all people should know that different does not mean bad! Outside that affiliation, however, I do not belong to any faction except the one that wants to get kids home - and regardless of our affiliations, isn't that the one we all belong to?
I'm just a person who doesn't want to see us fall because we have divided ourselves.
I want to ask you all to think before you speak. Go ahead, voice your opinion. But your voice stops where another voice begins. We cannot, no matter how right we think we are, quash the rights of others to voice their opinions.
Remember, it was Jesus himself who said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
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