Held

I love this song.  I listen to it when I need to hear it... when I need to feel held.

Like now.

Two weeks ago, I went to court in the culmination of months of efforts on the behalf of the situation that caused me to put my other blog temporarily on private.  On behalf of the little girl I love as though she were my own daughter.

On our way to Disney World

Her path in life has not been clear.  It has been marred with obstacles greater than anyone, especially an innocent child, should have to overcome.  For eight years I have walked with her, prayed for her, held her in my arms and done my best to keep her safe from a cruel world.

Five months ago, when she shared with me the burden of her heart, I promised to try to help her.  The past five months have been dedicated to little else.  Yet today, I feel as though I've failed.  I could not make her demons go away.  I could not end her struggle.  I could not secure for her the life I felt she deserved... no matter how hard I tried, and I gave it everything I had.

Today I need to feel held.  I need to know that she is held... even when I cannot hold her myself.

I struggle with how much of our story to share.  Part of me wants to share it all, relieve the burdens of my own heart, but another part of me feels the need to hold back, because this is not just my story, it is hers too, and I owe her respect and privacy.  Ultimately the answer will likely lie somewhere in the middle.  I need the people who I look to for support to know enough of our story to know how best to pray for her... but I need to hold back the parts of the story that aren't mine to tell.

A storm was brewing... over the ocean, and over us.

I can no longer pretend to have any influence on the course of her life.  Recent events have put things beyond my control, beyond my power to advocate for her.  So I have one prayer left.  One desperate prayer that I hope you'll echo with me... that she will be, and will feel held, by God, by He who loves her even more than I do.  That she will know in times of trouble that she can turn to Him, that no one can take that away from her.  That He will guard her heart and soul against a crushing world.

I know this is not a personal blog, it is a means by which I advocate for children around the world... but the situation which necessitated the separation of this goal and my personal reflections is the very one for which I presently ask for prayers.  I need you, prayer warriors, to add just one more child to your list... one who is not an orphan, who is not in an institution, but who needs your prayers no less.  One who I would give my very life for.  When I am ready I will share my part of our story.  For now, would you please just pray that we'll be held... she and I... against the burdens this world has placed on us?

Nothing would mean more to me.